FROM "SEEKING ENLIGHTENMENT":
Hi Cindy, I have to tell you that I read your book every time I have a heartbreaking date. Fortunately for me I haven't had many bad dates, maybe because I date very selectively and when I do decide to out with someone, I have pretty much narrowed the success of the date to chemistry. Most dates I don't feel anything and I leave not expecting anything, if the guy calls it's a pleasant surprise and I may go out with him again but most of the time I don't unless I felt something on the first date. However, I often (4 times so far) find myself in a situation where I go out with this amazing guy, who totally sweeps me off my feet and just as I am falling for him, he walks away letting me fall on my face. Needless to say it hurts a lot! And very often it happens while things are still going well and always I get the "Lets just be friends because I don't want to lose this great connection I have with you." After the third time, I took your advice and put a moratorium on male friends who I am interested in dating. My point in putting this out here is not to dwell over my sad dating history but rather to try to understand the evolutionary significance of such experiences. As far as I can tell, you gain nothing but heartache from it. Countless hours are wasted trying to figure out what went wrong because you have no idea, you didn't even see it coming! I keep wondering why I met these guys and why they didn't choose to stay with me. What lesson can I learn other than not opening up to the next seemingly great guy because I don't know when and why he will decide to leave? Is there a greater truth or enlightening experience that I am missing by letting myself wallow in my heartache and wondering why? Or is this just bad luck? If so, why do some of us have such bad luck when we are just being open and honest and trying to find a real connection?
Arrrggghhhh! I wrote the longest answer to this and then just deleted it accidentally! Basically I think I was trying to say, "The right guy won't be scared off because you're looking for the right guy," but I said it so much better than that! Ah, 'tis better to have loved and lost than to have typed and lost, that's what I have to say now! Anyhow... if you haven't already, read "He's Just Not That Into You." It's kind of the answer to your question, because the point of that book is there might NOT be a point in examining why a guy is/was not that into you -- if he's not, he's not the right guy. The good news is, you seem to be on the right track, so keep doing what you're doing. You might get hurt, in fact you will get hurt (or you will hurt someone -- you're breaking hearts too, if it's any consolation) until you find him. It's just part of the process, but when you DO find the right guy, you'll understand why these were the wrong guys. Good luck!
Thank you so much for writing this! A friend gave this to me 5 years ago after a break up. I never got a chance to read it until now, while I am going through one of the most difficult times of my life. When I needed something to raise my spirits and help me to know I wasn't alone, your book, in its spectacular pink cover, was waiting for me. Thank you thank you thank you! You can't possibly know how much you've helped so many women!
Thank you so much for writing this note! So sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time, but so glad to be of help.
As a recently turned 21-year-old, I know I have many years of dating ahead of me, but I can't help but feel cynical already since not only have I experienced many of the "glossary-men" you described in your book but I have found that I'm not alone in experiencing them, and I'm starting to realize they must just be a part of life I will have to endure. Going back to the question of whether or not men and women suffer equally... (anger for men, sadness for women), do you think men suffer just as much as we do with rejection, feeling unloved, and feeling like the person they are supposed to be with is only a figment of their imagination and they are not Julia Roberts or in this case, Richard Gere, in a movie of their own? That they are, as you put it so eloquently, a mere "catalyst" in someone else's movie? I sometimes feel such anger at men... that they all seem to breeze through life, non-committal, arrogant, and self-righteous and they are perfectly happy with themselves for it. And they have women flocking to them. Beautiful women. AND might I add they don't have to experience the T.O.M (time of month)! Wouldn't it seem more fair if men were required to shed their balls once a month? If they had to be out of service for a week out of every month, just like we are? "Sorry sweetie, no sex tonight. My balls are still shedding... and I'm having cramps that are making me feel like I want to die... Maybe next week." Whatever the case, I just finished reading through your book in only 2 days and I couldn't put it down! Your essays were so relatable and incredibly funny! You are a fabulous writer! Thank you again for this book, and for all the Sex & the City episodes and movies. They make me feel like I'm not a lone-woman in the world with my stupid boy problems. Your writing unites women and makes us feel cautiously hopeful.
First of all, I think YOU are a fabulous writer! And you're only 21! Maybe instead of worrying that you have to endure this crap for years to come, you should feel you are AHEAD of the curve and about to discover new "glossary-men" of your own, perhaps even some good ones! As for the age-old question: Do men have it easier? Yes. (At least, sometimes it feels that way.) BUT they can't talk to anyone about this stuff! Not honestly. Not really. How awful would that be?! When men get hurt or disappointed by love, they aren't encouraged (by their parents, other men or society in general) to express their feelings or even to dwell on them. I think that's why it's often easier for men to get angry or defensive instead of sad when they don't get what (or who) they want. For example, are you watching Jersey Shore? Both Sweetheart and Ronnie seem to still love each other and have been hurt by each other, but his response is to sleep with every woman in Miami and get drunk and yell mean things at Sweetheart, and she just wants to cry and go home. Yes, okay, I admit it, I watch Jersey Shore. Anyhow, hang in there and don't stop believing in love, and also don't stop questioning it.
FROM "RABID FAN":
hey! you've got an animated video on the internet -- just happened to run across it! fantastic -- just like you and your book! a fan :)
Yes! Thanks for noticing! I decided to do an animated excerpt from this book, a collaboration with a fantastic artist named Flash Rosenberg (and it's me reading "The Mile High and Dry Club")!
The Mile High and Dry Club from Flash Rosenberg on Vimeo.
I was given this book as a gift a few years ago by my mother (very subtle Ma, thanks!) and it had been sitting on my shelf for some time. After a recent break-up, and a string of "I'll call you (but really won't)" flings, I had given up on the thought of ever being with someone again. But through some weird twist of fate, in the middle of the night (pitch black, can't see a thing) I grabbed a book off the shelf to use as a door stop. Well surprise surprise, the next morning I discover it was The Between Boyfriends Book and I haven't been able to put it down since. You have restored my confidence in the dating game, and I am now ready to find myself a handful of Mr Maybes!!!
So happy my book was there for you -- as a doorstop, a ray of hope, and a reminder that your mom might know what you need sometimes. Wishing you and all of my readers happy holidates and a great 2010!
what a great book! i feel like you have read my mind. i have laughed and laughed about this book and passed it on to all my single girlfriends... just fantastic!
Cindy, I just wanted to thank you for your book - also for all your writing on SATC! Through my break up (not quite lone-rangered...) watching the show and reading this book have helped me lean on the side of hopeful rather than bitter. I've recommended it to all of my girlfriends who are recovering from break-ups. Thank you for your humor and openness!
Thank you, Brittany (and Meredith)! Maybe this is lame, but it really makes my day every time someone discovers my little book and takes the time to write a note like this. The other night I stopped in Pinkberry, and two 20-something girls had my book sitting between them on the table (of all the books and all the Pinkberries!). One of them had just broken up with a guy and her friend was bringing her my book (and then she got me in person). I think I found it even more exciting than they did. Anyhow, wishing you and your girlfriends and Meredith and all my readers (and those two girls in Pinkberry) better boyfriends in the very near future.
Cindy, Just a note to say your book is so funny, I love it! We share the same sense of humor and many similar experiences. The way you write is so accurate and hysterical. I relate even more because I live in NYC and you make many references to the city. My "ex" is an NYC comedian; I've come to really appreciate good writing. I read your book almost in one sitting, laughing out loud on the subway. (I hope you don't mind I kept the outside cover off just in case there were any perspective dates on the train. LOL!) Good luck, and thanks for the laughs!!! I needed it :O)
So, my bf and I broke up back in Feb. I started reorganizing my house and came across your book in a box of other books. Apparently I bought it while still dating him. In fact, I don't even remember buying your book. Go figure? And now, here it was staring back and me. So, I picked it up and started reading it. Wow, what a laugh, and how amazingly true your stories are. Thank you for writing this amazing book. I'm going to try to get my guy friends to read it. It's sort of like motorcycle training. I believe every driver should take the course. Makes one a better, more aware driver. Same applies to your book! Will make the guys aware of how we are thinking and what we think of them!
I'm glad you found it. Maybe the fact that you bought a book about being between boyfriends while you still had a boyfriend, and then forgot about it until you were between boyfriends again... means your subconscious was ready to break up before you were. (I'm a writer, not a therapist, but that's my theory.) In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I love that you are sharing it with your male friends so everyone can drive/date a little more safely!
I loved your book! I'm a little young (16) but this book has helped me out more than you know. Even when I'm not between boyfriends I still love to read this book. I've read it at least 5 times and it's still hilarious every time I read it. Every single thing written in that book is the honest truth which is what I love about it! I hope you write another soon. I can't wait!
I love that you love my book, Kaitlyn! (Parental Guidance suggested, of course.) And I hope that you find your true love at least 5 times faster since you read my book at least 5 times. Thank you for appreciating the qualities I always shoot for -- honesty and humor.
FROM "AMY MICHELLE":
Wow! I just came across your book this week and it made me laugh so much. Being single (divorced) and 39... I could relate to your stories completely... and I agree w/Cksongbird, I am getting over someone, so your book made me laugh and forget for a few moments about another bad choice in boyfriend I made. Ugh! Thanks so much, Cindy! (And I wish Sex & The City would return, I've watched all the reruns at least 100 times!)
Loved this book - a great solution to the problem of getting through another day alone, sick in bed. I'm not only nursing bronchitis, but the devastation of ending an engagement upon realization that I am still in love with an ex-boyfriend. Quite the disaster. Thank you, Cindy, for helping me laugh in between the moments when I'm crying.
Wow, that's a full plate. Wishing you laughter, love, health and peace of mind in 2009. In fact, wishing you all of that starting today, December 19, 2008, so you can try to enjoy the holidays! Let the healing begin!
Have you written anything about how you met and married your husband? The straight one. I have that picture of you two on your honeymoon on my fridge (it was in Oprah) and I must say that it is facilitating much of my grief over the end of my marriage. You two look so happy, like soul mates, and he was there for you when you had that second mammogram to make sure you were okay. So, I look at that picture and it just is so clear to me that I was not made to feel "secure, loved or appreciated" by my husband. AND, I didn't even like his smell. How did I get so lost? I did get a lovely little boy out of the whole mess. Could you just reassure me that I won't feel lonely and idiotic forever and that it is not possible to mess up a soul mate situation? I dated someone already and now we are on a hiatus. I learned from your book that this may segue into us not coming back next season. Which I guess would mean he is not my soul mate afterall. Right? Maybe I need to be fully divorced before pondering the whole soul mate question.
Wow, I'm so honored to be on your fridge! When I was not just between boyfriends but between husbands, it sometimes seemed like it was taking him forever to show up. But you have to keep the faith, and don't shortchange the mourning period after a marriage breaks up. Even if you won't miss his smell(!), even if you're sure this divorce is the best thing for each of you, you can still mourn the loss of what you thought you had. And yes, I don't think you can scare off your soulmate. (Although I'm always reluctant to use that term -- it seems like as soon as you do, you end up single again. It's like when an actress thanks her "beloved" in an Oscar speech, the next year she's certain to show up alone.) I can tell you that when I met my current husband (that's a safe term, huh?) I did everything wrong, so I think I proved -- to myself at least -- the right guy is hard to shake. So stick to your guns and keep looking for someone who makes you feel secure, loved and appreciated, and when it's the right guy (okay... let's call him your soulmate), I promise you won't be able to screw it up. And in the meantime, enjoy your little guy.
Oh, and to answer your original question, I have written about how I met my husband in the New York Times "The Between Boyfriends Tour" and I wrote a Modern Love column about "getting a get" called "An Ancient Coda to my 21st Century Divorce." I also wrote about our first Christmas together in a piece called "Jewish in a Winter Wonderland." And by the time you finish reading all of those, you will have probably met your next husband.
FROM "AUNT COLE":
OK, this has absolutely nothing to do with this book, BUT: Good God, woman - you are amazing - I was actually reading an excerpt from your article in Oprah's magazine, online through the CNN website. You described what it is like for the thousands of women going through fertility 'stuff'. I'm waiting for your book on THAT! In the meantime, I will try to get my hands on your work.
I read your article about trying to conceive for "O" Magazine on the CNN site. I just wanted you to know that it is possible to go through the whole fertility thing and succeed. I was married at 38 and got pregnant once without "assistance" but lost that pregnancy. We went to a fertility clinic about a year after that and went through their whole schedule of rigorous tests. Not only did we have my age as a factor but I am also what they generously call "morbidly obese" and I have polycystic ovary syndrome. We got pregnant three times with IUI and the last one stuck. I had a beautiful and perfect baby girl at the age of 43. I had a scary pregnancy because of all the tests they put you through when you're "advanced in age" but we made it and she is now almost two years old.
They told us the chance of getting pregnant was 13%. They told us that the chance of her having Down Syndrome or other genetic abnormality (after doing a nuchal translucency test) was 1 in 10. They told us there was a 1 in 200 chance of miscarriage as a result of the amniocentesis they performed to determine whether she was genetically "normal". They told us there was a higher risk of her being stillborn because of the gestational diabetes I had and because of my age. And still, here she is and she's perfect. Don't give up hope. Best of luck.
FROM "NANCY D":
I love your writing style, and thoroughly enjoyed your article in The Oprah Magazine on trying to get pregnant. I'm hanging it up in my studio for my clients to read. FYI, I teach a 10 week class at my studio, Lakeside Yoga and Fitness, on Yoga for Fertility and Conception, in Congers, New York. It's based on a program out of Boston IVF. Success rates have been excellent. You may want to Google to see if someone is offering this type of class near you. At the very least, it may spark another article and/or lead to another book. The best of health and luck to you!
FROM "LOOKING FORWARD":
I just read your article at the O magazine. Why not adoption? If the desire to have a baby is so bad why not adopt?
I used to say the same thing you just said to me to friends who were having trouble conceiving, and I now understand the point is, it's a wonderful idea... once you're ready to embrace the idea. My husband and I have always been open to adoption, and it's been a comforting thought to know we can adopt a child if we can't have our own, because it means we will eventually be parents. But REALLY getting your head around that shift from having a baby to adopting a baby is easier said than done. It's a process, and that process is what I was trying to capture in that piece. But that's also why I used the line at the end, "You don't know what dream you'll be willing to abandon and what dream you'll be willing to adopt."
I have not read your book...yet! The guy I have been dating for nearly 2 years recently semi-broke-up with me. I'm having a hard time...even though I know on every level he is NOT the person for me (and all my girlfriends agree), it's so hard to just let go! Maybe it's because I'm older (39) or it just seems unfair to give up on something after so long...or because I don't want to go through the hassle of meeting someone new, etc. Whatever it is, I know that your book is what I need right now! Glad I came across it (on Oprah's website). Thanks and wish me luck!!!!
Wishing you luck and love and laughter. I'm so sorry you're semi-broken-hearted. (That's the worst part, isn't it? A semi-break-up might be even more painful, because it just prolongs the agony.) It sounds like you and your girlfriends are in agreement that this is for the best, though, so even if he wasn't able to fully break up yet, you have to give him credit for trying to let you go, because you both deserve to be whole-hearted, not semi-hearted, about your relationship. The right one is worth waiting for, and I hope my book helps you laugh your way to your next (new, improved, and hopefully LAST) boyfriend.
FROM "MISS AMANDA":
Wow... Cindy... I just finished your book and it was the best medicine. I am a college-aged girl and just had my first real experience with heartbreak... Though it was not a ridiculously long relationship, there were many emotional factors for me, and he was the ridiculously charismic, which didn't help either. I came across your book while tearing through the bookstore on one emotional evening looking for answers. I bought two, one was a 12-step program for letting go of a relationship (I know, ridiculous, but it seemed right at the time), and the other was your book. I figured it'd be one of those hey, you're single, but you should feel super great about that, but I'm glad that wasn't the case. I needed a few of those bitter, "why the hell am I the only uncoupled freak?" moments. I was "Lone Rangered" in the most annoying and mysterious (well until I found out he had found his "true love" in his best friend, who he coincidentally made such a point to make me feel she was not a threat, oh and I had to find out through myspace on Christmas morning) way. As soon as I read that fateful first chapter, I started laughing at the very thing that had made me feel like a complete fool ten minutes ago. Thank you for writing this book. So many of the things that I felt like only happened to me or only I could think up were chapters in your book. It really has made me feel so much better. And should you decide to write another book, you'll have at the very least one buyer.
I'm so glad my book was there when you needed it. It sounds to me like you're going to be fine (better than fine!), because you kept your sense of humor in the breakup (some people lose it along with various CDs and t-shirts). Here's to better relationships in 2008 for you and all of my readers!
FROM "VIOLET IN SCOTLAND":
Hey Cindy, I've owned your book now for maybe 2 years, and I have found
it very useful! I'm a 32-yr-old professional single (at the mo!) and everytime I hit a slidy slope with a potentional other half I turn
to your book! It's my bible!
I can't believe I had a Halloweenie happen to me... though he was "man" enough to tell me why the relationship was over in a very vague way. After thorough analysis, I was able to break down the true reasoning of the relationship ending:
A. having children (me, not him)
B. I can't pop out another kid (2 is my limit anyways)
C. I have my own company and it's physically impossible for me to break away to be at his beck and call.
Your book is a refreshing find after 7 bridal showers, 7 bachelorette parties and 7 wedding receptions to go to! It has inspired me to round up my new-found crew of Mantourage candidates, and to find myself a trophy boyfriend who I can use at my every whim.
You go, girl! Have fun and I'm glad the book was a help. Tis the season (for lots of heartaches) but also some pretty amazing times, especially for you folks with kids.
I find it amazing that you are still answering your fan mails/messages here one by one! Love the book and sincerely hope that there will be a follow up, but meanwhile, I will be trying to track down your various articles all over the place!
It's sad how available I am, isn't it? Someone once told me that if you want to get a reply back fast, write to a writer who's procrastinating! Seriously, though, I'm honored people take the time to find my website and write to me, and I always love hearing from people who got something from my work, so thank you!
LOVED the book. Finished it in a few hours, and I'm re-reading it to make sure I didn't miss anything! It was so entertaining, funny, etc. My best friend and I had a great laugh reading out all of the terms on a drunken night. :)
This is more of a fan letter than a postable bite-sized comment (although I'll be submitting plenty of those), so I hope this isn't an inappropriate forum for my gushing. I *LOVED* your book! My sister gave it to me during my law school final exams, and I almost died when you described in the first page how men decide that the breakup is none of the woman's business. It's so damn true! I was immediately hooked and it was well worth it the mediocre grades. It was like a cross between The Rules, Sex and the City, and Dave Barry (three of my favorite things!) You are a brilliant writer and so relatable, I feel like I'm talking to a best friend. When I was trying to choose between the book and studying for exams, when my alarm would go off I'd read it for ten minutes instead of snoozing. Thank you for writing it! I am now clamoring to get my hands on everything you've ever written.
Sorry to get in the way of your legal career, but so glad you enjoyed the book!
Hi Cindy... I loved your book, I have been between boyfriends for a week now and have been looking for things to cheer me up and your book did it! I'm thinking of beginning to write my own book. What's the best way to begin to get it published? I'm from england btw...
I went to Aruba for 5 days and my friend and I both finished your book before the 5th day was up! It was absolutely hysterical AND insightful (and of course we were both able to relate). I am actually in the process of writing my own book - its been about a year in the works - on dating in the city. I would LOVE to get some of your feedback. I have more dating stories than I care to think about so I've decided to put them all down on paper and hope to actually sell it one day. Any advice on how to get from the writing stages to actually getting something edited and published? Any insight would be appreciated - from one fellow "single in the city" to another :)
I get so many women asking about this! And if you thought finding Mr. Right was difficult, wait until you try to find a book agent who's excited about another book on dating by an "unknown." Yes, sadly, most of you out there are known as unknowns. Believe me, if I hadn't been a writer on a popular show like "Sex and the City," I'm not sure how easy it would have been to sell my little book of essays. And I had magazine experience behind me. Anyhow, because so many women ask, here is some random off-the-top-of-my-head-possibly-completely-useless advice for writing and selling your book on dating:
1) Read as many of these kinds of books as you can stomach! This will help you get a feel for what makes one great. Some I love are: Eat, Pray, Love; He's Just Not That Into You; Bridget Jones Diary; The Single's Table; and anything by Cynthia Heimel, especially Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye! (Talk about a great title!) Bear in mind that some of these are written as novels, some are memoirs, some are collections of humorous essays. Figure out where yours might fit in, and what style you like. The best ones are not just laundry lists of bad dates -- they offer something helpful to the reader. They are personal, but they have something instructive and universal about them, and the author never loses sight of the reader. That's important.
2) Try to get one chapter or one essay from your book published somewhere, like in the New York Times Modern Love column (not easy, but a good goal... in fact buy the Modern Love anthology for inspiration). Or shoot to get published in a women's magazine, or on a website. You probably have favorite places you read these kinds of stories. Try to be part of that community, and maybe a publisher or agent will see your piece, and get a sense of your "voice" and help you on your way to creating a book.
3) Be patient and learn from all criticism. If someone actually takes time to read your work (someone other than me, because I don't have time! So sorry!) but if someone does actually spend a couple of hours or more reading your work, listen to what they say! Don't waste valuable moments explaining what you meant to do. You had your chance on the page. It's time to listen. (Also remember that as kind and supportive as your mother will be, it's also good to see what someone else thinks... someone not related to you... someone who is dating and looking to be entertained with some wildly original anecdotes and funny insights.)
4) If nothing happens with your book, and this project turns out to be therapy instead of a bestseller, that's okay too. You might still learn something from writing your experiences down. You might learn about yourself, or you might learn about writing. Read Walter Mosley's "This Year You Write Your Novel" for inspiration and instruction, and buy the Writer's Markets books for help figuring how to sell to magazines and newspapers, and how to get an agent or publisher. And good luck!
I just got the Sept 2007 Oprah magazine and I gotta know where did you get that white blouse in the picture...it is beautiful...thanks in advance!
It's JS Collections, and I think it came from Macy's. Thank you!
Hi Cindy - I wanted to get a copy of Carrie's poem as well. I've been asked by my friend to read something and the first thing that came to mind was Carrie's poem. Is there anyway I can get a copy?
I think you're getting a few bonus lines that didn't make the cut into the episode! Thank you for requesting it. I'm so happy my little poem is continuing to have a life outside of the show.
by Cindy Chupack
His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
Her forever was as simple as his smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"
FROM "LAURA ZIGMAN":
Hi Cindy, I loved your Modern Love piece today in the Times. It was very funny (<--duh) and one of the most readable and relatable ones ever. Not that I was surprised, of course, being a big fan of yours. Can't wait to read the new book.
Thank you. I love the Modern Love column (first thing I read every week in the Sunday New York Times) so that means a lot to me. The book is an anthology and I'm just one of the essays in it, but it's a great book. Enjoy!
FROM "EMMA FROM LONDON":
i enjoyed the book so much that i finsihed it in one sitting, and can i hasten to add that it brought many a funny stare whilst i was cackling on the bus at 6.30 am. thank you and if you publish anything else i would love to know about it.
No new book on the horizon, but I have an essay coming out this month in an anthology called "Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys: True Tales of Love, Lust and Friendship Between Straight Women and Gay Men." (www.girlswholikeboys.com) A shorter version of that essay is going to appear in the New York Times Modern Love column this Sunday (May 6, 2007). I also have a new column on sex and romance premiering in the August issue of O, The Oprah Magazine. Hopefully those will keep you cackling on the bus!
Okay, ladies... if you're NOT between boyfriends anymore because you're getting married (or if you have a friend who's getting married), you have to check out this website by Elisa Zuritsky (my friend and fellow Sex and the City writer). Elisa is giving away a brand new wedding dress to the bride who has the best Tale of Woe about why she needs/deserves a beautiful free wedding dress. Check out www.takemydress.com
Four and a half years ago, we lost my mom to breast cancer. Four months ago, my dad met a woman who makes him happy again. I wanted a poem to read at their wedding reception, and "Carrie's Poem" is absolutely perfect. I want to give credit where credit is due, and want to know if this was an original composition by you, or if it was an existing poem by another author. The sentiment is absolutely beautiful, and says everything I would want to say, but would only manage to babble incoherently.
I'm so heartened to hear that your dad is getting a second chance in love and so honored to know that my poem will be part of the celebration. That was, in fact, an original poem that I wrote for a friend's wedding, and then I revised it and made a little better when I gave it to Carrie for the show. (So it was the poem's second chance as well... my apologies to my friends who got the first draft!) Please pass on my best wishes to your dad and his bride... wishing them all the love and laughter in the world.
FROM "MANDY FILES BAGDANOV":
Your book was really helpful in getting me back in the dating scene... willing to be more laid back and just have fun! Since then, six months ago, I got married! Thanks for your wisdom, encouragement and great wit in the dating arena... being married at 41 is great! Signed - Your old T-town friend, Mandy.
So good to hear from you and so happy for you! Congratulations, and glad my book was able to be a friend from afar. If you write my website again and include your e-mail address I'll get in touch.
Cindy, my boyfriend and I keep fighting, and he wants to break up with me and then he is like, "Well, I will think about it, but right now I don't want to date you." I don't want to lose him because I love him so much and I know he loves me. Please, I am in need of help and quick!
Hmm. You might need to read "He's Just Not That Into You" if you haven't already. As hard as it is, when a boyfriend is threatening to break up, I believe you need try to address the problems that are leading to that discussion, or let him break up already. And I don't mean PRETEND to agree to the breakup just to call his bluff. I mean break up and try to start to move on. (If you need help through this terrible period where it seems SO much easier to just see him again for one last drink... re-read my "DNRR" chapter and pick a friend to help you through it.) If he truly loves you, he'll realize what he had, miss you, and rekindle the relationship with a renewed appreciation. (NOTE: This requires letting him actually miss you... so no e-mails, no phone calls, nothing!) At the very least he'll have to admire your self-respect, because by doing this, you're basically saying to him: "I don't deserve to be treated like this. If you don't value me, you can't have me." If he doesn't love you (or doesn't love you enough), you're better off moving on and finding someone who does! Who wants a boyfriend who doesn't know if he wants to be your boyfriend? And who wants to fight all the time anyhow? Good luck and be strong!
FROM "KATHREN A":
Cindy, I am 10 and have had two bf's and my 2nd relationship is going faster than my past one and I see my bf basicly every day 'cause on weekends he goes to his friends house and his friend lives down the street and we go to school together and we go to the same after school program. on the first day together we held hands on the 2nd day he bought me a chocolate bar from Chevron. Are we going to fast?
This is either the cutest submission to my website ever or the best fake letter one of my friends has ever written, but I'm going to assume Kathren is very real and needs me desperately, so hello, Kathren. I say it's never too early in a relationship for chocolate. He sounds like a good guy, buying you chocolate from the Chevron. If he ever tries to do something you aren't ready for, just say you're not ready. If he's as cool as he sounds, he should listen and respect that. Good luck and keep us posted!
FROM "KELLY GREENE":
Cindy, I don't have cable and every time I went to a friend's house who has it, we watched the same episode of Sex & the City. Amazing. So I've only seen 1 episode. On top of that, we had so much wine and so little food that I can really only remember the end where SJP is sitting barefoot in a big leather chair. So my comment has nothing to do with the show; everything to do with the book. One day I visited my mom's house and found the book on the table, read it cover to cover, and stole it. I absolutely love the book. I have read it 6 times in the past week so that I won't call him more, since he's obviously "not getting my voicemails." I also re-read the book everytime I get lone rangered. I've even incorporated the relationship equivalency exam into a real test I give men on the first date, #2 pencil and all. I love this book, this style of writing, and your spirit. Keep up the good work and thank you!
I love that you're actually giving men the test! Hope someone special passes soon...
FROM "KRISTEN FROM ATHENS":
This is going to be quick because I have a new baby and not many neurons connecting in meaningful ways -- I loved your story on the Audience Favorites of the Moth. I buy the CDs every year at the holidays. You told your story so beautifully and with such wit and compassion. It was the pefect story. (And I love your dad!) Because you said you were a comedy writer (and I crave comedy like everyone and I used to be a cartoonist) I googled you and then learned that you wrote for Sex and the City, which is the only show I followed in real time during that time (I also have a four-year-old -- so I can tell you a lot about Noggin but not much about anything else on TV.) Great work! I'm really happy for you to be so successful. When I have more time, I'll look up some of your writing in the NYTimes and elsewhere. I wish you the best of continued good luck in your career and in your life.
Thank you for taking time between feedings and diaper changes to write such a nice note. That story I did for the Moth (available from themoth.org and on audible.com) is a very personal one and one I'm proud of (and you have to tell your Moth story with no notes!). FYI, the essay that I wrote for a new anthology coming out in mid-May, "Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys" (see calendar for details) is sort of the last chapter of that Moth story. Anyhow, thanks, and congratulations to you on your little ones, and send the link to some of your cartoons if they're online, and if you happen to check back in and see this.
Cindy, I loved watching your writing on Sex and the City and have been a fan ever since. I LOVE your book. I own it, have read it several times and bought it for my four best friends. They loved it as well. I have been watching Men in Trees as well. Thank you so much for writing about all those things that we aren't warned about by our mothers. I felt a lot more normal. And you are sooo entertaining. You're a wonderful writer! Keep writing!
Thank you for the kind words! I will keep writing and thank you for writing!
Thank you for the overwhelming response to my article in the New York Times. I've read all of your letters and I just want to reassure those of you who said you were saddened by what I wrote that we ALSO celebrated Hanukkah this year (we lit the candles every night and said the prayers and exchanged gifts), so I have not lost sight of my Judaism. If anything this experiment in celebrating (or really decorating for) Christmas helped remind me that it's good to question, if only to reaffirm your faith. One aspect of Judaism that I have always loved is that our religion encourages questioning and discourse and storytelling, so I'm pleased to have triggered a discourse, and I appreciate all the praise, worry and suggestions. Thank you for caring enough to write, and best wishes for a wonderful and thought-provoking 2007!
FROM "THE STEINBERGS":
regarding your ny times "xmas" piece, here are a few suggestions for you and your jewish husband to decorate your home hanukkah style.
1. multiple menorahs/hanukkiahs. we have bought one a year for the past 17 years. as you probably know, there are many beautifully artistic and whimsical hanukkiahs out there. and our family generally places them around our livingroom (on a credenza, end table, mantle, etc). they can serve as a seasonal or year-round design element. for nightly candle lighting you can choose to light more than one; please don't burn down the house/apartment.
2. thumbtack up on walls blue paper dreidels and "happy hanukkah" on a string at a party supply store. or make your own.
3. we've got an attractive handmade cloth strip with "happy hanukkah" woven into the center that we hang on a hook on our front door.
4. have a hanukkah party. a few years ago a friend created a "jewish jeopardy" game for our guests; the questions were all related to hanukkah ritiual or history. divide up into teams and enjoy laughing at the wrong answers.
5. have a latke cookoff for a party. share and compare. give hanukkah gelt as prizes. everybody's a winner.
6. play hanukkah music cds in the background. play adam sandler's "hanukkah song" cd in the foreground.
ps. we also do a fake xmas tree, secular style. but hanukkah is much more fun for our family and for friends.
p.p.s. more from the steinbergs, having been reminded by my wife about the dance element , a family tradition, after the lighting of hanukkah candles and the prayer: we four in the family do a brief circle dance singing the first verse of a traditional hanukkah song. "Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah, we light the menorah, let's have a party and all dance the hora." then throwing our locked hands upward and shouting "hora, hora, hora" as the dancing and singing end.
Thanks for all the fun and creative suggestions. The rabbi who married us suggested that next year we put our creativity into making Hanukkah more personal and special and beautiful (rather than feeling we have to co-opt Christmas to achieve that), so this is good food for thought.
FROM "AMUSED READER":
PLEASE LET US KNOW WHEN YOU'RE WRITING FOR TV AGAIN!
I'm currently working two days a week on ABC's Men In Trees (which was created by Jenny Bicks, who worked with me on Sex and the City) and an episode I wrote reruns tonight (December 28, 2006) if you happen to catch it.
FROM "LAUGHING OUT LOUD":
Hi, your times essay was hysterical. It is really very funny and you make (mixed in with your humor) some good points about the commercialization of christmas and the holidays. This is my first exposure to your writing - please keep those editorials coming! You know, though, I think you may be right about cross-celebrating religious holidays to encourage open-mindedness and tolerance in children (which is after all the teachings of most religions). "Hanuukawanza" was funny, but you may have hit on something there...
FROM "RAZI Y.":
Hi Cindy: Just saw your holiday article in the NY Times. I am proud of you for grappling with an issue that touches so many of us. Funny - I hear a voice that others may hear, but few may admit: I hear a Jewish soul crying out for meaning in a world where Jewish things are mostly drowned out by the greater surrounding culture. I too share this ambivalence. Somehow, the regular 'Holiday season' solutions, try as we might, in the end fall far short of delivering anything of real meaning to us Jews. Don't worry, Cindy - you are normal. More than normal. And real answers DO exist. May I express my hope that you never stop searching for the truth until you find out what it REALLY means to be Jewish. It will be well worth the search, and well worth the wait - if you have the perserverance. By the way, Hannukah is the Jewish festival that celebrates the triumph of faith over materialism, of justice over tyranny, and the power of pure light to bring an answer to the pervasive darkness of our times. From a fellow Jewish person from Jerusalem.
FROM "FELLOW MOT":
Just thought I'd write to tell you that, as a fellow member of the tribe, I really enjoyed your NYT column on celebrating the pagan aspects of X-mas. I don't agree with you (I think), but I thorougly enjoyed it. I also thought you might enjoy my recent column in the L.A. Jewish Journal, where I called Santa Claus a fat antisemitic slob. Here's the link:
I love people who can love something while disagreeing with it. Very evolved, I think. I loved your column (about Mel Gibson's new movie -- what's a Jew to do?) so I'm including the link here on my website.
I enjoyed your xmas story in the NYT. Can you ask your dad where I can get some of those highball glasses?
Okay that made me laugh. Here's hoping Santa will bring you some (or there's always E-bay).
Well, I feel sorry for you that you can't find the time to go to a local Jewish bookstore or even CVS for that matter and find some nice Jewish decorations. I found TONS of Chanukah-inspired decorations, and I wasn't even looking! Plus, the best thing about Chanukah is the singing of the songs and the smell of latkes made from a mix. They are just as good as the ones I used to make by hand. So, if you want Chanukah to feel "cozy and inviting," maybe you should blow the dust off your frying pan, and fire up the range. THEN you'll remember the point of Chanukah is remembering the miracle of the oil that lasted for eight days. We as Jews are supposed to be different. We are NOT supposed to be like everyone else, celebrating the same holiday, decorating the same tree, buying the same gifts, etc... That is why we have survived thousands of years while everyone who tried to kill us is long gone. Enjoy your Christmas tree. You might as well keep it and the decorations if you feel you will be brainwashing your children when you light the lonely menorah with them without teaching them anything about their history, or without showing some genuine enthusiasm for the holiday.
How I loved your Times essay! I relate! Off to order your book (and then the usual Chinese food)!
FROM "JADE WALKER":
"Oh, Christmas isn't just a day. It's a frame of mind." --Kris Kringle, as written by Valentine Davies, "Miracle on 34th Street." Cindy -- Love, love, LOVED your article, "Jewish in a Winter Wonderland" in The Times. As an atheist who celebrates both Yule and and the secular version of Christmas, I congratulate you on seeing the light (in both white and multicolored hues). Here it is, Christmas Eve, and the malls are buzzing with shoppers racing through the aisles, looking for the perfect gift. The parking lots are filled with eager and tired parents, hoping to find that one last stocking stuffer. Hordes of people are using the Internet to shop from the comfort of their homes. These folks are caught up in the "holiday spirit," a feeling of goodwill that seems to radiate from Dec. 1st through the 31st. I believe the holiday spirit is a real force, one that anyone can harness, regardless of faith or location. With each gift we share with loved ones, we also give kindness and cheer. So take a lesson from Kris Kringle: do a good deed this holiday season. Sing carols at a retirement home. Adopt a pet. Decorate your apartment with festive lights for others to enjoy. Volunteer. Kiss a lover under the mistletoe. Donate a gift to the needy. And share a warm meal with those you love. Happy Holidays!
FROM "LAURA Z":
Cindy -- I just read "Jewish in a Winter Wonderland" on the online version of the NYT -- HI-LARIOUS. I then found your "Between Boyfriends Tour" essay online -- also HI-larious. I am now going to stop this email and order your book on Amazon. Your big fan, Laura Zigman (author of Animal Husbandry)
Thank you so much! I was mentally preparing myself for angry letters due to the content of that piece, so these nice ones are such a pleasant surprise! Happy holidays and thank you (especially as a fellow writer) for writing to me.
Hi Cindy, I would like to write you regarding your recent xmas article in the NY Times. How can I contact you?
You can write to me as you did, at this website. I read all of my webmail, and I just won't post it if you request that I don't.
Hello Cindy, I am a 30-year old single woman from Hasselt -Belgium - and I have read your book (in Dutch of course) many times... What a pageturner!!! Congratulations and I really hope your next book is going to be translated as well. A big hug from Belgium and keep on writing please because you make me smile, Wendel.
That makes me smile! I love hearing from women all over the world. It's so nice to know these affairs of the heart "translate" and are universal.
FROM "CLOUD GIRL":
I just got the book yesterday and I can't put it down, it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this, despite the fact that I'm from South east asia, that all women around the world face the same set of issues. It's nice to be able to laugh at yourself for once, instead of feeling sorry for yourself in a room full of lovey dovey couples. Now I don't want to crawl under the table when someone asks me some stupid question about why I'm single, I'll just say I'm between boyfriends!
FROM "JAPANESE MANGA ARTISTS":
Hello! We are Japanese Manga artists and love you as an artist! You create a lot of great work for women that impressed us a lot! Thanks!! Especialy Sex and the City, Samantha respect the playboy editor, that was exactly same like us. We love it so much! Forgive our bad english, but we really wanted to say thanks for your great creation!!! We love you! Sincerely, Prin & Umi Konbu, http://www.sakigakemanga.com/
Thank you! I looked at your work online... knew nothing of manga art. It's really beautiful and sexy. Thanks for writing, and wishing you continued success.
Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the book. I've given it to several of my single friends and we laugh over just how similar our experiences have been. I also wanted to say how much I'm enjoying Men in Trees on ABC. I will watch/buy anything with Cindy's name on it.
I read this book and I have to say it was so therapeutic to realize that I am not going insane and that I am NOT imaging this stuff. When reading your definitions and stories about what you have experienced I felt like I was listening to my best friend. She and I have decided to write a book about what we have gone thru. She and I went on a double date and the GUYS left together. They are STILL dating.
Okay, that's hilarious. Good luck with the book (or movie). That's a pretty fantastic opening.
FROM "GOURI FROM INDIA":
the chapter on moratorium on male friends - mygod - it could be me talking - word for word, sentiment for sentiment, and the conclusions too! nice to read this and know there's a syndrome and it's not just yourself and your solitary blunderings. cindy's book turns neurotic misery into common grief, for sure - and makes you laugh in many registers too.
I just bought your book and I can't put it down. I'm already on Chapter 23! Which is also my age. It makes me feel much better about my "number" (which by the way, even I will never know). If I ever do end up getting married would you be one of my bridesmaids? I think your teenager airfare idea should be adopted by ALL airlines, perhaps it would have saved me from motherhood at 19. I also like that you encourage using an ex for sex when needed. I've always opted for the reduce, reuse, recycle method myself. I think every woman should read this book, single or not. Are you going to write more books? I will surely be at the nearest bookstore to pick one up if you do!
Thank you for the nice note, and let me know when I need to get my bridesmaid dress. : )
Fabulous! Funny! True! I picked it up and couldn't stop reading! I read it while sitting on my balcony. My neighbours must be wondering why I was laughing so much. Thank you for writing this book! Have you thought about writing a guide to online dating? Any advice for maximizing profile potential?
No book in the works, but I have many friends who've met their spouses online, so good luck! I say run your profile (and photo) by a few straight guys you're friends with... especially married male friends who might enjoy the vicarious online dating experience. And don't be afraid to be honest about what you want. I think the best part about online dating (besides the fact that you can do it from home in your pajamas, like catalog shopping) is filling out the profile, because you're forced to really think about what makes you who you are, and what you're looking for. It's also instructive (and sometimes hilarious) to read what men on the site say they're looking for. Apparently "if you are as comfortable in jeans as you are in an evening gown" you can have any guy you want!
Judging from the cover of the book, you have met one thousand Mr. Wongs.
I love my boyfriend very much and I have no doubt he loves me as well. We talk about marriage and moving in together. He has a very nice home, but I always feel uncomfortable when I am there because he lived in it with another woman for two years. I suggest he move in my home but he said it is too small. He doesn't want to sell his home for another year and a half due to market conditions and doesn't want to rent it either. He just wants me to get over my weirdness about his house. I don't know why it bothers me so much but it just does? Am I being ridiculous? How can I get over the weirdness I feel in that home? Any suggestions?
I agree that once you get married it might be nice to get a new place for the two of you that is really yours from the beginning, but it's true... in this market you can't always time that as you might like. One thing that might help you in the meantime is to make some small but significant changes to his place together, like buy a new bed together, maybe get a new couch or kitchen table... or move some of your things in and put some of his things in storage... so that it starts to feel like a place that belongs to both of you, and so that it starts to feel different from the place he had with her. However, try to remember that the important thing is not who used to live there, but who is there now. Don't miss out on the present because you're worried about the past!
My boyfriend feels insecure about how I feel for him. He says that I planted seeds in his head to have him think that I really don't need him. I guess he feels this way because we argue a lot, and sometimes I say things that I don't mean. I do love him, but he thinks that I'm not that serious about him. What should I do to change his insecurity?
Hmm... there's a lot going on in your question. I think a licensed therapist might be better suited to help you, and I don't mean that as an insult... I believe in therapists if you can find a good one! In my humble and NOT professional opinion, I think ideally you are with a guy because you "want" to be with him, not because you "need" to be with him, so I got tripped up by his fear that you don't need him. But I also think you have to be careful not to say things you don't mean, even when you're angry, because those words will stick, and it's not a great defense to say you only said them because you were angry. Sometimes your true feelings come out when you're angry, and if what is coming out are not your true feelings, then you're not really fighting fair. Then again, maybe he's too insecure, which is not great either, but in his defense, I've been accused of being insecure in relationships before, and the truth is, a good partner will make you feel secure and loved and appreciated and that's how you stop feeling insecure. Feelings of insecurity (while they can come from inside, thus why a therapist would be helpful) can also come from outside when your partner isn't giving you what you need. The best way to earn his trust is to stay around and love him and be a good partner. Only time and actions can prove love. Love is a verb, as my therapist says, meaning it's something you do, not something you just talk about.
Ironically your book was displayed in a special area of the library for Valentine's Day. I spent the night reading it from front to back cover... laughing out loud. It really helped after getting dumped this week...! Your words cheered me up.
I bought your book when it came out, and I keep it next to my bed. Is that sad? The content encourages me as both a single woman and a writer. The truth is I've admired you for so long and I'm finally shooting you a note. I think you are brilliant and, more importantly, kind and caring. I wish we were friends.
Not sad at all to have the book nearby for reading (I would put it away when you have someone over, though) and consider me a friend, because that's what I wanted the book to be for women who were between boyfriends.
FROM "MISS EM":
What a great book. I could totally relate to it. My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me over the phone a week before I was about to go over to live with him, get married etc as we were living in separate countries for a year (he was doing his MBA). I still haven't seen him and doubt I ever will. It shows how cowardly and gutless men are and how they avoid confrontation. This book has brought me so much humour during such a crappy time in my life and made me feel so much better. Thanks, Cindy!
I loved your book so much I bought copies for all of my single girlfriends and then we read our favorite parts over drinks and lunch... how fitting, don't you think! Just wanted to let you know that we think you did a great job and we love that we are not the only ones out here running into these circumstances... Fan in Canada!
Your book has given me so much insight into the dating world, it has given me something to look forward to for the next 20 years of my life. I could hardly wait to go put on a pair of high heels and find some men to juggle... but I just had to finish the book first! (-which has set up a permanent residence next to my bed) Cheers for the hope!
Hi Cindy, I've just read through all the fabulous comments on this page, and thought I'd add a bit more. The laughter I had during reading your book had a very specific quality to it - I BARKED with laughter! might get close. Thanks for cheering up on a chilly March weekend in Yorkshire, you are a real inspiration. I love the way you've given people advice so freely too - truly a generous spirit. I've been keeping diaries since I moved up here from London (to be with a guy, who turned out to be insane... but I stayed, have now been single for two and a half years - gulp - no single men at all up here - It makes Manhattan seem like the Horn of Plenty...) and I'd like to write something about my experience. Maybe I'll go and start right now.
Writing to something called "fan mail" feels so very marcia brady to me, and yet, here i am, smitten, but in a good way - a girl crush I guess you could call it . I actually just read your article in real simple and was so moved by those women in guatemala and what they can accomplish with fifty dollars and it was a real reality check, hopefully for more than me, about giving AND writing. I write, but with no risk, though i did submit a screenplay to project green light and was devastated when the 20 somethings that were reviewing it thought my heroine in her early 30s was MIDDLE AGED. I'm really writing because I'd love to take a class with you. I didn't realize who you were a until I googled you (after reading the article). I'm stopped in my writing and I'm wanting "real advice" from a "real writer" whose style I can relate to - that would be you. If not you, I understand that, and I'm completely open to suggestion. I live in Manhattan by the way. Oh, last but not least, I just got married, at 39, and what I have to say about that is, I'm amazed at "who and what I had been willing to settle for", because of what I thought was available "at my age".
My husband, it actually feels pretentious calling him that, but he is, my husband, and he is also my age, never married, no kids, jewish (something I wanted), handsome, kind and a really good guy. At the end of the day, it really is just timing. Good things come to those with committment issues.
I'm not teaching writing right now, and I'm in LA again (as opposed to NY), but there are some books I like a lot, and a few classes that come through town which might be available on tape. One is John Truby on structure, one is Writer's Boot Camp, which is usually happening in LA but sometimes comes through NY or Chicago. I also like Natalie Goldberg's books on writing (Writing Down the Bones especially) and I like Stephen King's book called On Writing which is part autobiography/part writer's guide. Best of luck with it all, and congrats on your recent marriage. Me, too, in June, and I agree... worth waiting for! Also, in NY, I love The Moth for inspiration about storytelling and what makes a great story. Check out themoth.org. It's also what brought me and my husband (I have trouble saying that also) together, because we met at a Moth event.
FROM "LONELY 20 SOMETHING":
when's the next book i could do with something to cheer me up after finding out my boyfriend is a lying cheating rat
I don't have a book in the works right now because I couldn't get any publishers interested in Between Lying Cheating Rats. They didn't understand why women would want to date them. I tried to explain that we don't WANT to date them, in fact we never know we are dating a lying cheating rat until we catch them lying and cheating, but then their question was: why would you seek out another, and I thought, that's true... at least after a lying cheating rat you know what one looks like so the next boyfriend can be better. (This is my lame way of saying find someone who treats you like a princess, because you deserve it.)
I know your book has been out for a bit now, but I just read it a few months ago (loved it). Two questions: 1) Just went through a very, very tough break up - with of all things - probably the kindest man I have ever met. Yep, that's right! I can have long term relationships with the jerks, but for some reason, can't seem to mesh with the nice ones. In my defense, both of us are scratching our heads as to "why we could not make this one work". Anyway, my question is: My girlfriend called in a DNR on this one - does that stuff really work? or is this just kind of one of those tactics meant to distract? did you really honor yours? cauz right now, it's the only thing keeping me from picking up the phone and calling him (and in the process, no doubt, breaking the relationship even more than it already is - if that's possible). Second question: WHEN IS THE NEXT BOOK???? or have you found Mr. Right and have no more great stories to share?
To answer your first question, yes, I took my DNRR (Do Not Resuscutate Romance) pretty seriously, and my friend who issued it took it VERY seriously. It might have been a little easier for me because it was clearly not a good relationship, but to answer your second question, yes, I did find Mr. Right (hopefully I'll still have stories, though) and we got married recently, and I think I met him, in part, because I finally decided to leave behind relationships that weren't everything I wanted, even if it meant being a bit lonely for a while. Even if the guy is great (and I had some great boyfriends in the past), if he doesn't see a future with you for whatever reason, or if you don't see one with him, you can't force it or talk yourself into it. And reviving a relationship because you're afraid you won't find better, or because you miss him (or because you miss the companionship) just gets in the way of finding YOUR Mr. Right. (Not that it's all about Mr. Right, by the way. There's definitely room for fun, but truly "fun" relationships should never lead to crying yourself to sleep. How's that for a guide?) Now, it's definitely harder to leave a good relationship than a bad one, and as you get older, hopefully you'll face that more and more, because you're not picking wildly inappropriate men (as often), you're picking men who might be the one, and as you get closer to the right guy, you will meet some pretty good guys. Just keep in mind that you are waiting for a GREAT one, not a good one. Also, bear in mind that by sticking to your DNRR, you (or he) might realize you miss each other and maybe you made a mistake, but you'll only realize that if you give each other some real time off, and even start looking around again. In any case, hang in there and good luck. I know it's all easier said than done... that's why it's good you have a friend on the case to help you.
Loving your book, but what's with making English people sound dumb all the time and the Americans so "sophisticated". I can't remember what it said in the book BUT I do know in the glossary page in the site you certainly down-graded the English. You might have guessed I'm English...hmmm. However your book's great and I worship your show, but lay of the Brittish a little!!!!
Was that a joke that you spelled "offended" and "British" wrong? (I think it was, but I'm not sure because it's early here in America and you Brits have such a deliciously dry sense of humor.) The glossary terms on the right on my website are submitted by readers and fans like you, and the one I think you might be asking about (THE TWO A.M. BIN RAKE) was submitted by a Brit about Brits and I thought it was really funny. I'm pretty sure my book doesn't take down the Brits. As a girl from Oklahoma I've always maintained that the problem for me in Britain is that everyone sounds smart because of the accent, so I can't tell who isn't. Glad you're enjoying the book though!
Hi. I feel really stupid about finding the whole British thing offensive/affensive (how humiliating was that?!!). My slang clearly isn't as smart as other English peeps. Oh and one thing, thank you, because I'm 17 (you will probably be laughing at me by now) and your book and SATC combined have made me realise I haven't got to worry about ever having to "settle down" before I'm 30, because being single is fabulous. Your book was great. I shouldn't have written anything negative, because I now look like a tw*t. What can you expect when you are writing to an author???
How stupid do I feel being nasty on my website to a young fan who clearly has good taste and many years to perfect her spelling??? Sorry if for a moment I made you feel at all silly. I make silly mistakes all the time. Best of luck in life and love and thank you for writing back.
When you have a boyfriend, aren't they suppose to call you every day?
I love this question. It sums up how so many women feel about dating... like there should be rules, right, that everyone has to follow? I think your perfect boyfriend will want to call you everyday just because he likes talking to you, not because he thinks he "should" or because he knows you'll be upset if he doesn't. Bear in mind that you might be overly anxious because one day in boy time can be like a YEAR in woman time, so make sure to keep busy and be happily surprised if he calls and fine if he doesn't. The less you're waiting for his call the better. (It's his fault if he leaves enough time between calls for you to realize he's not your perfect boyfriend, or for you to meet someone new.)
I loved your book and have now recommended it to many friends. My boyfriend and I recently broke up since he chose to move to Oregon to follow a spiritual guru. It was great to read comments on the website -- especially about the guy who moved to Thailand to be a shepard. Great stuff! I also loved S+TC and went to NU too, so feel great affinity. I had read your pieces in Travelers' Tales and was inspired to write as well. I have a little excerpt in their upcoming women's humor piece. Do you have any other classes, workshops, or appearances coming up? I'd love to learn more from you! I am in Miami, but like all of us modern women, am mobile to NY, etc.. Please keep writing and creating great books, shows and pieces to brighten our days! Thanks so much!
I don't have any workshops coming up, but check the calendar on this site periodically, and good luck with the writing!
Hey Cindy - I'm a Writer Producer Director living and working in London at ww.syncfilms.com. I would love to produce the series BETWEEN BOYFRIENDS for British TV. Have got the cash, contacts and professional skill. What else do we need!!!?
I've always wanted to do British television! The closest I've come so far was creating the fictional series, "Jules and Mimi," that Miranda got hooked on on Sex and the City. You should contact my television agent, Lisa Harrison, at Endeavor in Los Angeles: 310-248-2000.
FROM "DEB3470 FROM PHILLY":
Cindy- Read your book in one night! SO funny and validating! I'm not the only one who deals with all the craziness!
FROM "AUSSIE GIRL":
Cindy - when are you coming to Australia to teach the Aussie men a thing or two?
As soon as I have any degree of success training the men here!
Okay, so I haven't read the book yet. In fact, my colorist just told me about it tonight. However, I just read the excerpt about being "lone rangered" and am appalled that this is such a typical way of cutting a woman loose. What is wrong with men? I was just lone rangered last week. After 5 dates, 4 of which sex was involved, I got smacked with the "I think we should just be friends" line. Even my ex-husband said, "it took him 5 dates to figure out he just wanted to be friends?" (At least he called me.) I couldn't get more out of him than that though. The break-up was followed by the consolation prize, "I think you're really cool and we should get together for a beer this summer." Excuse me? You're dumping me, and somehow you think I'm going to fall for that crap? Yeah, well, if he thought I was so darn cool he would still be dating me. I knew it had to be too good to be true. I have dated like it was going out of style since September and am burned out. After 20 dates with various men, ranging from Mr. Cheesy-News-Caster-Voice, to the "I can't escape from this date fast enough" to the the unattractive, but super wealthy CEO (who also thought I was super cool, just not dating material)... I am so ready to give up.
I feel like I'm playing a board game and just drew the "Go back to start" card. I leave for Italy in 5 days. Maybe I'll buy a villa in Tuscany... I'll buy the book for the trip though. P.S. if you ever decide to compile more stories I am full of them.
I prescribe these essays in my book: "17 Dates," "Eggsistential Crisis," and "Man-Me-Downs," because you are almost quoting them already! Hang in there, and enjoy Italy. (Not a bad place to lick your wounds.) My book is out in Italian by the way, so apparently these problems are universal. You might also get something out of the book "He's Just Not That Into You" to keep things in perspective, because it reminds you that the right guy will not Lone Ranger you or be hard to read or disappointing. In any case, don't lose faith!
I am a student from Germany and I visit the English advantage course. Because of that I read English - written books. Your book was the best and I enjoyed this book, besides it was very easy for me to identify myself with it. Truly, I decided to make a book report about your book. That is why I ask you for some hints. That means what was the reason to write such a book? Is this book only entertainment or is it more that means say something about your intention and main themes? Futhermore, is it possible that you give me a good summary? Thanks for your help.
Most of what you're asking you can find on this very website. There is a Q&A with me here, and a summary of the book, but basically I wanted to write a book that would be like a friend to take you from breakup to your next boyfriend. It's so hard to smile or laugh right after a breakup, and it's been really nice to get letters from readers who were able to do just that after reading this book. The idea was also to commiserate rather than instruct women what to do, because I think we all make mistakes, that's part of the process, and I wanted to write a book that didn't talk down to women in any way. I certainly don't pretend to know the answers. If anything I only know a lot because I've made a lot of mistakes, and usually the mistakes are what I find funniest and most human to write about. Thanks for the nice note and best of luck!
FROM "A FAN":
I never write letters such as this, but I HAVE to tell someone besides all of my family and friends how funny this book is. I cannot put it down! This is one of the greatest books I have ever read and it has placed a huge smile on my face. I just keep busting out laughing. THANK YOU for putting me in such a good mood.
I was reading the New York Times books section the other weekend and I came across your article about your Between Boyfriends book. This spurred me to finally write to you, although I've been planning ever since I came to your book reading at the Chelsea Barnes and Noble, nearly two years ago.
It happened again, I had been lone-ranged. I was beginning to think this was an epidemic of city living. So many opportunities, so many women and so many men looking for the next best thing. As with the others, I had thought this could be something real, we had immediately connected, had your usual three or four 24-hr dates, he'd even confessed to my best friend he was falling in love with me... and then nothing. Possibly he'd been kidnapped by aliens or fallen between the cracks in the sidewalk. However, I soon realized his phone was working properly, as I'd called numerous times, and he definitely had my phone number. Yet another relationship had ended just as fast as it began.
This is where your book came in. After I read a couple of pages [giggling continuously and somewhat horrified that your dating escapades chronicled my own], I decided to venture to your book reading the following week. As fate would have it, although I pleaded for some peer support, everyone seemed "otherwise engaged", so after some deliberation I went alone.
It was wonderful to hear you read your stories of survival in the brutal world of dating and wonderful to hear it from someone so single, successful, witty and beautiful.
After the reading, feeling totally empowered by my new found independence. I walked over to buy your book. A tall, rather slender man approached me asking what I was doing at a Between Boyfriends book reading. I looked up and saw what my years of gaydar honing and the addition of being in Chelsea informed me was a nice, young GAY man. I told him I had been "Lone Ranged" and he asked why in the world anyone would want to do that ? I immediately liked him and thought I'd just found my new gay boyfriend. He told me he was working as a consultant at the New York Times and was from Toronto. After everyone had cleared away from the book reading and we had been talking for a little while he asked if I would like to go out for dinner with him. Of all the stereotypical things to happen, I realized I was being hit on at a bookstore. I guess he isn't gay after all, I thought? My cheeky reply was "What will he do?" but that didn't seem to deter him and I gave him my email address. We went on our first date a couple days later and then another date and before I knew it I was no longer between boyfriends.
I had walked into Barnes and Noble that night feeling totally sorry for myself and never imagined that I would have such a good time. As all my friends (usually in relationships) used to say to me, "It will happen when you least expect it," and they were right. For once I'd taken off my man hunting goggles, the last thing on my mind was meeting a man at a bookreading.
Well, we've been together ever since, nearly two years. We moved in together last July, He is one of the most wonderfully, supportive kind and extremely patient men I've ever met. I'm sure you have women ask you how they can meet a man in New York. My suggestion is to STOP LOOKING! [and frequent Cindy's book readings at Barnes and Noble.] I still get great pleasure out of reading your book and have passed it along to many other single friends of mine. It's a comrade in arms for the dating weary and the Between Boyfriends.
Congratulations on your engagement, sounds like you've got a great companion and a lucky man. Keep telling your stories! You'll always be part of ours.
I LOVE THAT! Thank you for sharing your story. So honored to be a part of it.
I don't typically read the NYT book review but was on a long flight this weekend and came across your essay. It was the funniest thing I had read in ages and it had me in stitches! Your voice and thoughts were so uncannily familiar - it was as if I was communing with myself (and what could ever beat that?)! In any case, I was so enamored by your essay that I was compelled to google you and reach out to you (I'm quite lazy and rarely do this but this is how charming I thought your essay was) to tell you how much I enjoyed it - you've also inspired me to order your book from amazon.com - I hope you notice it in your amazon rankings. PS - Do you want to be friends? (Do all your fans ask you this?)
So glad I came through as a friendly voice. Hope you enjoy the book. You should read "The Mile High and Dry Club" first, since you discovered me on a plane.
FROM "MADE U SMILE":
I thought you might be interested to know I am writing my final paper in college ever for my senior seminar class in writing about your book. I aspire to become a journalist and have focused my final project on composing a portfolio of articles geared towards the twenty-something, dating woman. Orginally I read your book for my own enjoyment and found it extremely hilarious, refreshing and informative when I realized it would be a perfect paper topic to explain the whole purpose behind my project. Needless to say, I can't tell you enough how I admire your work.
I am so honored. Thank you and good luck with the project and your future writing career.
I just finished reading your essay, The Between Boyfriends Tour, from the NY Times Book Review and I was vastly impressed with your analysis of life in the writing shadow of not only Sex and the City, but also your two co-workers who penned the notable, He's Just Not That Into You. What I read seemed like it was from the mind and heart of every girl and woman I know and I was glad to have a representative of the underdogs in my weekend reading. I was especially dazzled at the end and wish you the warmest congratulations and a genuine thanks for your writing.
We have all been truly blessed by your ability and talent to verbalize the traumas of dating as you do. There is a lot of 'chic-lit' out there now, and yours is by far the most creative and original. I had no idea that you wrote a book until about a year ago when I was reading every title on the bookshelves at a bookstore and spotted yours. I screamed when I saw it. I knew you wrote for 'Sex' before ever reading your bio on the back, and I was so excited to read it. You surpassed my expectations and nailed every dating disaster that women have ever faced. God bless you for having survived it all, and I wish you the best in the future.
FROM "STILL LAUGHING:"
I just came back from a week-long trip to Mexico with a large group of mostly single friends. One of the girls (almost single) brought your book and we sat by the pool, reading parts aloud and laughing hysterically. We were amazed to find that the dating challenges are the same everywhere, and how much we could relate to. We found particular humour in Man Me Downs and hitting Rock Bottom... We're also fans of Sex and the City. We can't wait to see more of your work.
So glad I got to be part of your vacation. Thanks for the nice note.
I just finished your book, Cindy, and breathed a huge sigh of relief and feel some sense of optimism. I recently turned 30 and live in DC - which is very NY-esque and could relate to the trials and tribulations of the girls on Sex and the City. I've been doing the whole Friends episode (The One where Rachel turns 30) in reverse and I have her exact fears... tick tick tick. I thoroughly enjoyed your book - and feel a sense of relief that there are MANY beautiful, intelligent, and caring women in the same boat as I am (fishing for worthy men in the sea...). Keep up the good writing - I look forward to your next publication.
FROM "CITY SUNSHINE":
Just finished reading your book and I totally loved it. I've been single for nearly a year since ending a 3-year relationship and your book has made me feel like less of a freak for not being married with kids (heck, I'm only 26, what's everyones rush!). Thanks for the great, witty writing and for keeping me sane during the Valentine's Day craziness! Your biggest New Zealand fan!
26? You have time for lots more boyfriends and lovely Valentine's Days to come! Thank you for the nice note. So fun to hear from people from all over.
I stumbled across The Between Boyfriends Book when I was on Amazon searching out the latest diet book that was going to help me lose 7lbs in a week and with a bit of luck get me into those new jeans... so I ordered both. The books arrived last Friday and on Saturday morning I had breakfast in bed (oh the joy of being single) and giggled away until lunchtime. Not only did I find it hilarious, but I found myself nodding along and recalling my own "Breakup Breakdowns, Rock Bottoms, DNRR's" and so on and so on. Coincidently I am writing this note on Valentine's Day and after reading your book I have so far today not been tempted to have "The Rant" despite me spending the night in with the cat. I completely believe in "the one" and am not going to settle, thank you for not making me feel alone in my quest! As for the diet book, on page 5 it tells you that when you have chocolate cravings once a month (all in our heads apparently) you should eat broccoli and it releases the same chemical. Hmmm, need I say more? All hail Cindy Chupack! Get writing your next one! PLEASE!
When you find a good diet book, let us know. In the meantime, thank you for that very sweet Valentine to me and my book, which was much better than a heart-shaped box of broccoli.
FROM "STACY FROM AZ":
I was just wondering if there was only one book you've written. I had bought one hardcover copy, and then bought another in paperback because the cover looked different, but I am looking through the paperback and I am pretty sure I have this one. I have the one with multiple chinese containers on the cover and saw two other books: one had two chinese boxes, and the other only one box on the cover. I loved this book so much, I am trying to get as many different ones as possible! Thank you!
I've only written this one book, and it's true, the paperback cover is slightly different. There was a version of the cover at one point on Amazon that was an early design which only had one Chinese food carton on it, but we decided that looked too lonely, and this book is optimistic! Maybe that was the other cover you saw. If you look on the "book" page of this website you will see there are many covers because of all the foreign editions, so it looks like I've written a lot of books when really it's just this one. But thank you for wondering.
Do you have any plans to come to Australia?
I've always wanted to go to Australia, but I haven't had the chance yet. I'm pretty busy right now with new writing projects, but Australia is definitely high on my list.
Cindy, after you reading your book, I think you have become one of my personal heroes. I commend you on writing on a book like this.
I loved your book, and found myself feeling better about being still single 3 years after my divorce. I have 2 beautiful kids and a fantastic life... own house, car and business, all I need now is a good man to share it all with. You have given me the stamina to keep looking! Thank you!
FROM "IRISH EYES":
After being dumped by my boyfriend only two weeks ago this book was a life saver... although I did cry through most of it (out of heartache, nothing to do with the book). I read it in one night and at 3am, just as I started the DNRR chapter, who should ring but the ex. He was so mean when I wouldn't entertain him (because I was so engrossed in the book), that it made me realise how the DNRR order is a good thing. I'm keeping the book with me like a reference/bible for single successful women. Thank you for helping me through the horrible heartbreak and making me laugh at things that seemed horrible, hopeless & endless last week!!!
Hi Cindy! Your book is a great companion, especially now that I recently had my breakup with my loving (ex) boyfriend. It's just so confusing, coz he was the perfect boyfriend. Although the downside of it is that he's married with 2 kids. He really has changed big time. He used to be like all those guys you've dated, but being with me changed him into this "heaven-sent" guy that any woman could ask for. But now he wants to be with his kids, even though he doesn't love his wife anymore. I really don't know what to do. I know he won't be happy with her, coz he still loves me, and we still do foolish things together. Please help me.
If you read my essay "Rock Bottom" you know that I am in no position to judge, but I can relate one thing that helped me get over my married guy. Once, when I said something to my friend Kate about how great my boyfriend was "except that he's married", she said, "that's like saying 'except that he beats me.'" Her point was that it's not okay, it's not something we should easily excuse. And it IS an emotional beating, because it's confusing to have a man say he loves you while causing you so much pain, and causing such potential pain to the kids he claims to love. If he really loves you (and his family, at least respects them) he would stop the affair and get things in order (either staying with his wife and repairing the damage, or divorcing his wife and then repairing and stabilizing things with his kids). If he got divorced, maybe THEN he could be with you on terms that are fair and loving to everyone, but not before. In any case, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by moving on with your life and looking for someone who can love you without a big exception, like that he's married. Or that he beats you. You deserve better.
FROM "LONDON GIRL":
I thought that just post-breakup, this was it, doom and gloom and meals for one. London is a little like NYC in terms of the lack of men. They are like toilets (engaged or full of...)! I have already bought another copy to lend to all my female friends to read. It's an absolute must. I saw myself in that book so many times! You will give every reader the confidence that it's not just them! It should be compulsory for every man over 25 to read!
FROM "CHARLOTTE GREY":
Cindy, your book is AMAZING! I live in London and want to know when you're coming here to knock your great advice into British men who seem to have less idea than American men!
First of all, telling a gal that British men are more clueless than American men is not a good way to entice her over. And second, if you read the new British paperback edition of my book (the little black and pink one that just came out) you will see in the new essay "Kissdemeanor" that I am capable of being just as clueless in the UK as I am in America.
My brother-in-law gave me your book and I've kept it hidden until now (a month or so after "the break-up"). My first question: is it normal for a person to sob while reading the questions and answers on your website? And, since I was the one to break up, does the DNRR rule apply when he still calls to say how much he misses you and wants to date (even marry) you? How can I explain the anxiety I felt for the last 3 months of our 9-month relationship? And the fact that I can't get over how underneath his amazingly loving self he's a bit high strung and abrasive and I'm super sensitive? I wanted it to work so much but
the stress outdid any cleansing diet--I was down to 99 pounds! So why am I still stuck on him? At 32 and now on the fringe of a religion that considers a single woman over the age of 24 a pariah, and where the older single men ARE pariahs, singledom scares the living daylights out of me. Note: ex not part of same said religion.
You probably don't miss him as much as you miss being in a relationship, being seemingly on the road to marriage. Especially since you are in a culture that makes you feel shame about being single. But I think you did the right thing. If it didn't feel good and right, then you were right to move on. And yes, DNRR applies to all past relationships that you are trying not to backslide into, no matter who is doing the dialing. Keep looking and don't settle and in the meantime, eat something!
Cindy, I just finished reading the "Getaway Bar" essay. Not only was it hysterically funny, but I think it is a fantastic idea. Maybe you should pursue it.
FROM "ANGELA FROM ENGLAND":
I received this book 2 days ago for my christmas present. Me being me, opened it up a week before christmas as i don't have any patience! (Maybe i should see someone about this!) Well, i was laughing out loud in class! My friends kept giving me weird looks, as if to say i was going crazy! I loved the book, from the first paragragh to the last! I couldn't put it down! I'm from North West England and i am 19 years of age. I haven't had much luck with relationships - maybe this is why my friend decided to buy it for me! I have found that the book has given me insight into how other people cope with being single! You can either deal with it and get on with it, or just mope around doing nothing. I decided to go for the optimistic approach, live life for the moment, it doesn't matter if that means doing it by yourself. Does it?
I find your impatience delightful. Hope you get everything you want for Christmas NOW, and glad the book spoke to you. I think there's a smaller, gift-size edition coming out in the UK in January that has a new intro about the end of Sex and the City and a new essay called Kissdemeanor about a minor dating crime I committed in London.
My brother sent me this wonderfully funny book after a very depressing breakup, and it actually made me feel better and even laugh at it a little. I read it in English and I wondered if it was ever translated to Hebrew because I really wanted to share it with my Hebrew-speaking single friends. If not, could I be honored with the translation to Hebrew?
It has been submitted to Israeli publishers but so far nobody has bought it. If and when one does, they usually have their own translators they like to use, but thanks so much for writing. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and that it was there when you needed it.
I am still a huge fan of Sex and the City and was excited to see that you will be making an appearance in Miami soon. After checking your calendar dates however, I was suprised to see that all of your appearances have something to do with JCC or some other Jewish organization. . . That's great that you are so supportive of your faith - but what about the rest of us who AREN'T Jewish?? Will you be doing something in the Miami area that ALL women are welcome to enjoy?
I don't know if you are checking this website again, BondGirl, but if you write here with your e-mail address I'll see if I can do something for you and your friends while I'm in Miami. My publicist checked into bookstores and said that since the book has been out a little while, they're not interested, which is what I figured but thanks for allowing me to get formally told I'm not hot anymore. : ) Basically I just do speaking engagements by invitation when I can fit them into my schedule. The Jewish groups have really pursued me, but I'm certainly not exclusive (as you know from my book). In fact, I will be teaching a comedy writing class at NYU in the spring. Thanks for being a fan and best in life and love.
FROM "LETTING GO":
i have recently broken up with my first love and i can't stop wanting to call him and see him cause i am still in love although he is not. i know i've not got as good a story as most of u but i am only 18 and i just need help in letting go. also i totally identify with the quote "Of course we'll cry; we cry at Hallmark commercials. What they don't understand is that we're not crying because of them, were crying because now we have to get naked in front of someone else." since this was my first love and my first sexual partner, i am really afraid to have to get naked in front of someone else. is there any way to get rid of this phobia?
First of all, there are no good or bad stories, it's all hard when your heart is broken. As far as trying to let go, I recommend you re-read DNRR (Do Not Resuscitate Romance) and designate a friend to be the person you call when you want to call your ex-boyfriend, and maybe even do something like the pretzel plan, where you have to go through some bulk product before you call him. (It doesn't have to be food.) If there is any chance he will miss you and want you back, it will happen because you moved on, not because you begged him. Also you might want to read "He's Just Not That Into You" if you haven't already. It was written by my friends, and it really makes it clear when you're in a no-win situation, and how you should stay available for someone who truly treasures you. The most important thing is don't beat yourself up for any of it. This is all part of growing up, and part of figuring out who you are and who you love, so even the pain is important to go through. There aren't really any shortcuts. As far as getting naked in front of someone else, everybody is insecure about their body and men are additionally insecure about performance, so just assume everybody's in the same boat and remember to pick your next partner carefully, because as you now know, your heart is a fragile thing. Good luck! Here's to everybody's new, improved 2005 boyfriend!
I'm getting very earnest, aren't I? I will try to be funnier in my future answers, because in case anyone forgot (especially me), I don't know what the hell I'm doing either.
FROM "SO MANY TOADS KISSED":
I just stumbled across one of your short articles, very randomly, I might add while I was on a personals website. Although my intentions are, of course, to find a man... I am very excited about your compilation of short stories. And, at the very least, if stumbling across your new book is all that comes from my man search on the personals website, then I think I could be happy. I cannot wait to get my hands on your book. The short article I read, well, is my life, and very hilarious I might add. I'll definitely send you more fan mail once I start reading your book, AND also get my good reviews onto the Amazon site.
I think you and my book is a very good match made online, and hopefully you'll find a man now as well!
Thank you for this incredibly humorous book. I bought it for myself, and then had to run out and buy a few more copies for my best girlfriends, who are also single. We could not put it down. We'd call each other crying, laughing, and just completely relating to everything. Your candid writing and wonderful wit is such a gift to single women. I was a huge fan of SATC, and your book helped me deal after the show ended. Thanks for shedding light on what us single girls go through.
A month ago, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me, for 3 of those years i had supported him through his career at West Point Military Academy. I drove thousands of miles, and did everything and anything i could do for him. We were high school sweethearts and started dating our sophmore year in high school. I'm 21 and have had many boyfriends before him, but he was my first love. For school i had to do a book analysis on a book of our choice, because of my situation my teacher recommended i pick a book dealing with moving on from a relationship. When i was in the bookstore i came across your book. I want you to know that your book made me laugh, cry, and helped me to begin to move on. It's been extrememly tough, but i want to thank you for helping me through this tough time in my life. Your book reminded me that there are people who deal with heartbreak everyday, and that there is hope in the future and never to give up. Thank you so much for your help. You are an incredible writer!
Thank you so much for the very kind note. It always warms my heart to know my book was there when someone really needed it and helped in any small way. Hang in there. I know it seems impossible to imagine right now, but there will be someone else you will love who will love you back and he won't want to risk losing you. In the meantime, if you get a chance to take a class from Edward Sidlow do it. He was my favorite professor at Northwestern and he's now at EMU.
As a guy, I must agree with the lone paragraph I read on the site about avoiding the break up. I'd like to know though, why do many women pass themselves off as damaged goods instead of straight out saying the straight goods?
I think you mean why do women pass themselves off as okay when they are actually damaged goods, right? Because if you are meeting women who are trying to pass themselves off as damaged goods that's not a great strategy unless they don't want to date you. In any case, I think we're all damaged goods after a few heartbreaks. The wrong relationship will highlight the damage, the right relationship might finally repair it.
Hi. I was looking for an inspirational, funny yet sad at times book to read and your book with the bright pink cover was just what I needed. Not many can look back at their dating mishaps with a touch of humour and in such a crisp and refreshing manner. I was still feeling bitter about a few previous relationships but after reading your book, I am now inspired to laugh them off as funny, enriching experiences that are part and parcel of life. Since I note that others have appreciated the main body of your book greatly and have already left befitting comments, I would like to add I was particularly touched by the acknowledgements, where you made reference to your third grade teacher Virginia Davis who had encouraged you and spotted your talent as a little girl. Sometimes when I feel down and unsure of myself I remember those who had encouraged me and insisted that I have it in me to do well. One last comment... as I was reading your book, I got the impression that you would not be very attractive due to the rejections that you received from time to time. I totally identified with that kind of feeling since I know what it is like to be passed over due to my not being attractive enough. However, I note from your photograph that you are actually very attractive. This belies the notion that attractive girls have no problems in relationships. Good luck in your relationships and may you find The One soon.
You too! (I actually met someone pretty great right after the book came out, and then I gave him a copy of the book and almost scared him off, but he stuck around.) Here's to finding men who love everything about you and who find you beautiful and sexy. I believe there's someone out there for each of us. It just takes a while to find him (or even better, for him to find you).
Hi Cindy! I have a question for you or anybody who thinks they might have some advice. I had the "pleasure" of dealing with a "Lone Ranger" about a year ago. Although our relationship was short-lived, it was still very painful for me when he "disappeared." I was stupid enough to approach him about what happened between us (stupid, stupid, stupid) -- I got the bullshit "busy" reply, of course. (I'm reading "He's Just Not That Into You" now so I understand that no answer is THE answer.) Unfortunately, I get to see this guy almost every day in my university classes. It's been almost a year since he disappeared from my life and I still panic around him in class. People think he's a great guy and I can't just write him off as an asshole and ignore him. In fact, I'm usually quite nice when I bump into him (to show how much "he didn't hurt me"). How do you get over a Lone Ranger that you have to see every day? How should I be treating him in class?
On a side note, thanks for your book Cindy-what a classic! It's a must for twenty-something university students like myself!
That's a tough one. I shared your question with Liz Tuccillo (one of the authors of "He's Just Not That Into You") and we both think you shouldn't have to "waste the pretty" trying to be nice to this guy. You don't have to mean to him, just don't give him any more attention so you can be open (mentally and literally) to meet other guys who haven't broken your heart. Of course, this is all easier said than done. Good luck and have faith that you deserve and will have much better.
I am so excited, I think this book will be the next best thing since Sex and the City. I stumbled upon an article in a magazine about the events of your life leading to producing SATC and the publishing of your book. I am a huge die hard fan of SATC, and I knew if you could keep my interest in the show for so many years I would become a loyal fan of yours. Thank you for so much fun, laughter & enjoyment, & those sex-a-thon reruns of all seasons. I look forward to reading all the books that you will soon be producing in the near future. Your new loyal fan... ciao
When is your next book coming??? I live in Sweden and have problems finding the magazines you write for. We're not hopelessly in the backwater though. We do get British and America books quite fast over here. And the last episode of Sex and the City was shown before summer. Having finished your great book I'm now in dire need of some more Chupackstuff. :-)
Your book is so awesome, what can I say? I always read it when I am down because something didn't work out romance-wise (thus, re-reading it at the moment) and it always cheers me up and makes me realize life is too short to be down about guys. It is incredible how dead-on your observations about men, dating and relationships are, so much that I feel as if I am reading about myself! It makes me go "Oh yeah, that IS a good way of putting it." Thanks for teaching us to laugh at ourselves and not take our love lives too seriously!
FROM "40 AND LONE RANGERED":
I just did something I've never done in my life. I sat down and read your book cover to cover in one sitting. I loved it! (I bought it at Anthropologie in Newport Beach where it was prominently displayed, by the way!) I'm turning 40 in two months and was just Lone Rangered! Does the dating fun never end?! I'm shopping and eating this weekend so I don't DNRR. (I just had Hot Tamales for breakfast!) Yes, the candy!! Thanks for your love optimisim. It gives me hope that true love is still possible. Please keep writing books.
I hear 40 is the new 30, which means if you're 10, you no longer exist. Have a spectacular birthday in two months and check back here when (yes "when", not "if") you meet someone wonderful. (I can tell from your laugh-in-the-face-of-disaster attitude that you will.)
I absolutely LOVED this book. I am a 24 year old single mom, and currently between boyfriends. I got the book yesterday afternoon, and during my "me time" after the baby goes to sleep, I finished the ENTIRE book in one sitting! I couldn't put it down, and it was a great end to a less than stellar day. Thank you for the insight and for giving us single gals hope (and lots of laughs!).
Who represents Cindy? Manager/agent etc.
I am represented for television and film by Endeavor, my book agent is Dan Strone at Trident Media, and my PR person at St. Martin's Press is Stephen Lee.
I can't say anything more than I loved this book. After buying it and reading the first 30 pages, I called a friend at work and told her she had to go out and buy one immediately. That night she did and she was hooked too. We related so well, especially to the part about nicknaming our men. I think we have yet to refer to a guy we have dated by a first name.
Thanks Cindy for such a great book. I loved it. Read it at a perfect time (just after another mini-relationship ended) and it cheered me up no end. It reminded me that single women are fabulous, life is fun and let's enjoy it. Agree that it is in the wrong space in the bookshop. I found it by accident. Inappropriate category though it is probably a lot more helpful
than many self-help books. And though you have been on Irish radio I had
never heard of it before. What DJ was it, Sex and the Liffey? Gerry Ryan I
suspect. P.S. Re: Irish men, refer to Male Friend Moratorium before dating any, just
to get a headstart.
The DJ was Ryan Tubridy, but he was covering for Gerry Ryan who was on holiday. Thanks for the kind words and tips on dating the Irish.
This book was hysterical. Have emailed all my friends in the UK about this. I have just moved here from London and am totally bemused by the dating scene. You have to open the bar and just call it Bitter (the second one in the franchise could be called And Twisted!!) I keep my colleagues in my office constantly amused with my tales of dating and they were puzzled to see me 'gently rocking' at my desk with tears rolling down my face holding on to not a client document or report but some baby pink book.
hi i am 15 years old and i thought the book was great it took me two days to read it i was totally stuck to the book it has given me a whole new outlook on dating and i have been moping around due to the fact that this boy kept mucking up my head cindy you are the best please can you write loads more books THEY ARE FAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You devote so much of your life to learning from and sharing your romantic experiences and doubts. Would you say that your goal in life is romance? When you do find what you're looking for, do you think that your career will take a different direction?
That's a good question. Yes, I'm looking for romance and the whole package and it is a bit of a dilemma, because often it seems like the happier I am in a relationship, the less need I have to write about it. So I suppose my writing will have to evolve as my love life does. I once heard about a country music song writer who wrote for all the greats and then fell in love and basically stopped writing, so the whole country music industry suffered when he stopped suffering.
I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! i bought it the minute i read about it in TIME magazine shortly after it came out... since then i have read it many times and lent it to many friends who in turn went out and got a copy... it is SO funny i literally laughed out loud countless times. And it is so true in so many ways! the other day i was just laughing about a breakup because i thought to myself, Oh my god, i've been "lone-rangered!!!" PLEASE WRITE ANOTHER BOOK! (and another, and another...)
i absolutely love your book! so do all my friends... we tell everyone we know to read it... but will u write another one please. =(
My boyfriend and I broke up tonight... He falls into a few of the categories that Cindy mentions. A friend gave me this book about a month ago since I was such a fan of SATC. I had not read it, after all I was still in the first 90 days of love and bliss (trust me ladies that 90-day rule has some value to it!!) Then it hit, or I think it did... still not sure where he went, either way it's over with and I got out my box of Kleenex, grabbed Cindy's book and found myself laughing and nodding a few minutes later. Thanks so much for making this a tad easier. You made me smile on a night when I least expected it.
You made me smile as well. That was my hope for this book, that it would somehow make what is impossibly hard a tad easier. Read "17 Dates" if you haven't already, and hang in there, and thank you for writing. (You're already doing better than most if you not only read tonight but found a website!)
Bravo! What a fabulous read! My mom gave me your book as a gift. I could relate to so many of your experiences being that I am a single woman over 35 in NYC. Sex and the City was my favorite show! It's my life! I feel like we should be meeting at a trendy bar in Soho for drinks to catch up on everything!!!
I read your book everytime I am "between boyfriends"! I am finding myself actually looking forward to a night in my comfy PJ's, day-off socks, a bottle of wine and your book. I don't know how I survived breakups before. Now I just laugh it off and move on to the next guy. THANK YOU!
I am in the middle of reading your book and can't wait to finish the rest this weekend. You have made me laugh in this ever-so depressing time in my life where I should be dating up a storm (like I was 6 months ago and I was enjoying myself) until I became hooked on Mr Bad, the one that doesn't want me so I want him even more... and it has gone downhill from there. I'm not even ready for bad dates yet. I hope the second half of the book brings the inspiration to dump his ass and move on with my life!
Well? Did you dump him yet? I always find that better men are out there once you clear away the ones who don't deserve you.
Do the guys you date know that you're going to be writing about them? And have you ever dated a writer who wrote about you?
That is/was a hazard of writing for Sex and the City and writing a book about dating, and I know it gave some men pause. Then again, I've been on blind dates where my date would say, "Are you going to use this on the show?" and I would be thinking, "Please! You're not that interesting!" I guess I'm much "safer" to date now that the book is written and the show is over (that last example notwithstanding, since I apparently just wrote about the guy I said I had nothing to write about). And I have dated a writer who wrote about me, plus I am friends with writers who have written about me, so I know it can be tricky, but that's what we do. You just try to be sensitive and you try to write MORE honestly and embarrassingly about yourself, which is, I hope, my saving grace.
When are you going 2 write another great book like this one? i am only 20 and sadly i have the worst opinion of men. what is the point in dating them..... they are only good for 3 reasons (from their waist down!). 1) their wallets, 2) their penis and 3) their pockets so that we can store our shit in them when we go out! Thats my theory anyway :) Just wanted to say that i LOVE your book and have recommended it to many of my single friends :)
Okay, I'm getting a little worried about you barely 20-somethings. You have to PACE YOURSELF with the cynicism because you might still have many years of dating to go. I wrote for Carrie in Season Five: "I think I might be one bad date away from becoming bitter" and even then she was fighting it. You have to fight it! Not to sound sappy, but I think it's important to believe there are good men out there, and that you deserve one and that you will find one. I think that might be the key to finding one. So bottom line, keep your sense of humor, but don't lose hope.
Come over to England for your book signing, pleeeeease! I lurve sex and the city, but I loved your book even more. I've just broken up with my boyfriend(of 3 years)/soulmate(of 5 years) a couple of months ago. I'm less than 20 something (19) and so although I have been out with other guys, I've never 'dated'. Reading your book helped me to pick myself up and try to move on with a positive but very open-minded approach to meeting new guys. It really kicked me up the arse and got me to sort it out! A positive and yet realistic message to all women! Thank you.
Wait a minute! If my math is correct you met your soulmate at 14 but he wasn't your boyfriend until he was 16. I would venture to guess you either have more than one soulmate, or he wasn't The One, or he'll come back in twenty years and you'll retro-date him if you haven't already fallen in love with someone you ignored when you were 10. In any case, slow down and enjoy the adventure! This is the best time to date. This is the time to figure out who you are and what you want. By the way, I don't have plans to come to London anytime soon, but I was there when the British edition of my book came out and everyone was lovely.
I've just been dumped by my long-term boyfriend by text (how 21st century). You achieved the impossible by making me laugh out loud. The book is doing the rounds with my friends except the one that is currently between husbands. Three to date and she's only 34 and yes, it's her that gets rid of them not vice versa! She's doing it for a fourth time this year. If I ever find out how she gets them to commit I'll let you know. Thanks again.
I have bought seven copies of your book. I give them as gifts to all my single girl friends. My parents recently separated and I gave one to my mother (she is 60 and could still appreciate your angle). It's so nice to know that someone has finally put into words what happens to all of us single girls everyday. You are such a gifted and talented writer. Since I have read the book (over and over again) I see so much of your personality in sex and the city (I watched an episode on DVD the other day when one of the girls mentioned DNRR). Thanks for being a true voice for single women. I hope you will continue to write. Reading your essays has become one of my favorite things to do (and share with others) and my new addiction.
Thank you so much. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your girlfriends and your mom and all the people on who have shared their thoughts and stories on this website.
I need advice...The last ever episode of SATC is being shown on 19th March (o.k. I know you've seen it in the U.S. and I know how it ends but that's not the point) and my girly chums and I are having a party to see it out with a bang but.........How do you make a Cosmopolitan? (sorry to be such a hick)? reply please before next Friday.
I found this recipe on drinkalizer.com. Enjoy! COSMOPOLITAN 2 parts lemon vodka 1 part Cointreau 2-3 parts cranberry juice (squeezed lemon or lime) Stir or shake with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a slice of lemon.
I want to be a writer living in New York but am kind of afraid to make the move from my small Southern state after college graduation. What are the risks for writers in NY and are the chances of getting into television too competitive to try? How did you get your start?
If you really want to be a television writer you're probably better off moving to LA, because there are many more opportunities, classes and ways to network in LA. If you just want to be somewhere fantastic and stimulating and creative, though, New York is for you. I was intimidated too at first, having grown up in Oklahoma, but I loved living in NY right out of college (I was there for an advertising job initially), and that's where I started writing magazine essays. My TV career didn't really begin until I got to LA a few years later, and then I was lucky enough to get to go back to NY when I began working on Sex and the City. In either city plan on about five years of struggling and taking low-paying, non-writing jobs (but WRITE AND TAKE CLASSES ON THE SIDE) before you even get the chance to break in. It's a struggle but the good writers find a way in. And you might as well try it while you're young and have a smaller list of needs because that's when you can take the low-paying jobs where you'll learn a lot. Good luck!
Just when i think relationship dramas have got me down, your book manages to find the bright side of being single. At the moment i have the situation of 1 guy who only calls when he wants "something" and another guy who seems to take a few phone messages as a invitation for marriage. I don't want complicated relationships. I want to have fun, become a serial dater and worry about the fact that i'm single later. Any suggestions on how to not get emotionally attached & how to jump on the dating wagon? Because i havent really ever been on the dating scene.
I would prescribe the Male Harems chapter to get you started, then the chapter called 17 Dates as a friendly shoulder to cry on if and when things go terribly awry. It's easy not to get emotionally attached when the guy doesn't seem worth it, much harder when he does, so that's the problem in a nutshell. If you figure out how to do it, let us all know. Good luck!
Cindy, when are you writing another book? I couldn't put this one down and I am buying a copy for all of my friends. I am turning 28 in two weeks and you pretty much describe any and all of my dating experiences. Thanks for the laughs!!!
I don't have another book in me just yet (not enough bad dates to fill one thankfully). I am starting to work on a romantic comedy (a movie) because I like the idea of being able to write a happy Hollywood ending for SOMEONE, and I have a deal to develop a new show for HBO. Happy birthday!
I haven't picked up a book since going to school back in 1999. Very funny. I picked it up subconsciously, wasn't meaning to buy a book with that title, i was having problems with my boyfriend -- just little ones -- but it made me realise how lucky i am to have him. He cooks ya know! Domesticated. I manage to burn the toast in the morning still. I loved the book. You're a great writer. Keep up the fantastic work.
This book is a must read. It has been passed around through all of my girlfriends, single or married we have all been in the situation Cindy writes about. Thank you for adding entertainment to our dating lives!!!
I just got the book recently here in Dublin, thought it was another self help book from the "smug married types," but was pleasantly surprised. Nice to know the traumas of singledom translate across continents!! Just broke up with a guy after 5 dates, great sleepover weekend but then he just wants to be friends, your Pigeonhead's explanation was exactly what I got. It's good to know I'm not the only one. Have now bought four more copies of the book for my other single friends. We want more, PLEASE.
I'm 30 years old and have been between boyfriends for over 3 years. Where I come from we don't really date much. But I wanted to break the dreaded dating drought in a bid to increase my chances of finding Mr Right. So I did something daring....well daring for me. I went online and in six months I met 12 men. And I had to laugh (out loud...to myself) about the 17 dates Cindy went on. And like Cindy I found myself pretty worn out by the whole experience. I was on the verge of meeting date number 13 last weekend when I decided that hanging out with my girlfriends and discussing careers, sex, shopping and shoes over a bottle or three of wine was much more fun. Dating can be hard work but having fun with like-minded gals is dead easy. Cindy, thanks for making me feel normal!
Hey Cindy, none of your book signings are listed on the Borders website. I'm hoping to attend the Park Ave (NYC) event and was looking for more information. This will be the very first book signing I've attended - ever. I'm 20 years old and have been an avid SATC fan since Season I. I'm really looking forward to meeting you and absolutely loved this book and would really appreciate any added information you could provide. I hope to see you soon!!!
I'm pretty sure the info on my website calendar is correct (sometimes the book stores just don't update their websites as meticulously as the authors), but you might want to call the store to double check. Thank you for your enthusiasm though!
I just want to say I really enjoyed this book even though I'm 20 years old & have a boyfriend. I think it's just something we can all relate to in many ways. It goes to show things don't change and men really don't grow up ever!
Hi Cindy, I don't know if you still read these comments and questions, but I had to write to tell you how fabulous I think you are. I attended your reading at the KGB Bar, as well as the one you had in East Hampton last summer. Your book is amazing - the first time I read it was the day I picked it up in the bookstore. I picked it up just as I was sitting down with a stack of other books to browse through and I ended up not even opening another book that day because I sat there for over an hour reading yours. I have since given it as a gift to many friends, all of whom agree that you have the uncanny ability to give words to the voice inside our heads. Anyway, here is my question for you: What advice would you offer to an aspiring writer as far as finding your own voice and figuring out what to write about? I would love to do what you do, but am just not sure how to get started, so any advice you can offer would be very much appreciated.
Dear "Cindyiscool" (how could I not respond to that name), I don't know if YOU still read these comments and answers since you wrote me about two months ago (I got a little behind answering these), but I basically I always believe you should write what you love, and try to write as you speak. One trick I use is what I call, "Writing to Marie" because Marie is one of my best friends, and she always gets my jokes, and we always share funny stories, so when I'm blocked as to how to begin an essay, or how to word something, I just imagine I am writing to Marie. Just writing an e-mail, you know. In my own voice. In my own words. I think that's why the book has the tone of someone talking to a friend, because that's how I like to write. So think about who your Marie is and write a funny story to her, and also I believe in keeping journals, because you never remember all the details of something that struck you as funny or horrifying like you do when it first happens. Also, there is a good reference book called The Writer's Market (they update it every year I think) that helps you figure out how to sell your writing to magazines and publishers and agents. Good luck.
I bought the book one Monday and I couldn't put it down. I'm 20 and live in Yorkshire, England and I'm always between boyfriends as I'm very picky, then when I find a great guy he just wants to be friends. I always fall into the relationship reruns and I think it's about time I stopped. Your book has definitely made me feel better about it and also about meeting all the wrong ones on the quest for Mr Right, coz I also believe that everyone has a soulmate.
I was set up on a date through a mutual friend. We had long conversations on the phone, seemed to have some things in common and finally decided to meet. I opened the door to my apartment and his first words were, "I thought you were going to be blonde!" (I'm brunette by the way.) I only wish that I had said to him, "Oh, I thought you were going to be handsome" and shut the door! P.S. Are we all being "lone rangered" by the ending of "Sex and the City?"
Clearly you sounded blonde on the phone. And oh, I hope the end of Sex and the City doesn't feel like you're getting Lone Rangered. For one thing, it's not a surprise. There has never been a more public "breakup." And it will never really be gone because you can get the DVD's. And so many of you out there tell me that the show is just like your life, so the good news is... YOUR show is not ending. You have many more hilarious episodes to go, as evidenced by this website.
Cindy - I can't thank you enough for this book. At 32 I think I have lived every chapter. I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't put it down. I have just completed a marathon of the seventeen dates and am now currently in a relocationship experiencing dater's remorse and a bad case of close-trophobia. Thank you for reminding me I'm not the only one. It's a book I'll read again and again just to make me feel better.
FABULOUS. I love your book... I'm a college student and want to write books of my own later in life, maybe like this... You inspire me to follow my dreams.
AH! What a wonderful book! I just finished it last night and I can totally relate to EVERYTHING! After being dumped on New Year's Day (isn't that a wonderful way to start off the New Year?? Seriously!!) a friend of mine gave me your book! I started reading it immediately! It made me laugh out loud and I could identify with so many of the essays! The book made me realize that I'm not the only one who goes through the "17 dates until you have a good one!" (I've definitely been there and it looks like it's going to start all over again!!) Thank you Cindy for making me laugh at such a "critical" time! :o)
Please, when you find Mr. Right, keep your sense of humor because it will be quite interesting to read what you pen about the married life. Maybe by the time that book comes out, I may be able to relate. Then again, maybe not. Thank you for entertaining me immensely!
Cindy - I broke up with my boyfriend and found myself feeling worse than he was! Have you ever had that experience? Your book is amazing and so easy to relate to! Plus, reading it meant I got over him so much faster. Well done and thank you!
Yes, I've definitely experienced that, in fact there should be a term for it. Breakup survivor guilt? What-the-hell-makes-me-think-I'll-do-better-than-this-guy tears? Breakup Remorse? Anyhow, thanks for the nice note, and I'm glad the book helped you get through it. FROM CINDY:
Yes, I've definitely experienced that, in fact there should be a term for it. Breakup survivor guilt? What-the-hell-makes-me-think-I'll-do-better-than-this-guy tears? Breakup Remorse? Anyhow, thanks for the nice note, and I'm glad the book helped you get through it.
Cindy, you sound just like me! I too am a Love Optimist and will not let my Lone Ranger ruin my Valentine's Day (who by the way, I think hasn't realized he may be gay). He came back to life 2 days after he Houdinied on me on New Year's eve when he dumped me ala Jack Berger, with a voicemail of "I don't think I can do this anymore! It's not that I don't like you, I just don't want to get married - or make a commitment." (Did I ask him to - no!) I told him not to even think about ruining my Valentine's Day after ruining 2/3 of my favorite holidays last year. You made me feel so much better and actually helped cure me of my feeling sorry for myself! I had to laugh out loud! I could not put it down and read it over and over again to all of my single friends! I now quote your book! Thank you.
I love the term "Houdinied." Houneedshim? On to bigger and better things and happier holidays.
After three unfulfilling dates in the past week I found myself browsing the used bookstore on a Friday evening. I came across your book and immediately wondered if there was a chance I could find out Suz's number, the woman who sold the book, so I could find out what her secret was. She obviously isn't single anymore since she sold back her Between Boyfriends Book. Now I am sitting at home at 10:45pm, wondering why my tentative 10:00 date with #3 has not called. I just hope Kelly is not upset that Suz sold her gift to the used book store.
I love that. Many writers are gifted, but how many are regifted? Hope Date #4 is the charm.
Hi, Cindy! I feel as if I know you after reading your book. It was hilarious! I especially laughed when I read about the Master Cleanser. I bought that little book years ago and STILL haven't had the courage to try it. (He really scared me when he suggested drinking a lot of mint tea. Does this diet make you reek or what?!) And even though I fear I may be a close-trophobe, I think I can summon up the guts to get back out there and give it another shot. After all, I only have to endure 17 bad dates before I get a good one, right?
Hopefully your number will be lower than 17. It's a fun experiment anyhow, like how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? (Well, not as fun as that, but interesting/fun.) As far as the fast, I don't think I reeked (or if I did, who cares, I was thin!) and I like mint tea so that was my favorite part.
At the age of 19, surprisingly I can relate to so much of your book. I absolutely adore your writing abilities. You inspire me to be ME. Love ya doll!
As an aspiring chick-lit writer I have found my new mentor. Cindy eloquently, yet humorously, nails situations most females have experienced or lived through a friend. I bought myself a copy and one for my best friend. Definitely something to brighten every woman's day. Thank you!
I love this book more than anything I have ever read. I just was "let go" from a 3-year relationship and I am really bummed... this made me realize that I will go on and maybe the next guy or two won't be "The One," but that's ok. He's out there somewhere.
Glad to be of help. Plus you survived the holiday season, so congratulations. Hope 2004 brings you and all of my readers lots of love between and during boyfriends.
Okay, so I'm only 22-years-old and I already feel like I can identify with some of the crises in this book, sad I know. The only problem is that I feel completely hopeless towards men. I truly believe that there is no such thing as a good man, all they ever do is break my heart, even when I'm dating many more than just one. Needless to say, I just need to work on my "me". Your book made me laugh out loud, and it totally reminded me of different situations I've been in. I truly appreciated it.
You can't lose hope at 22! There are plenty of good men in your future and the fact that you are sometimes dating "many more than just one" would seem to indicate that life can't be all bad, and you might be breaking some hearts as well. Hang in there and keep your sense of humor.
After a "Lone Rangered" break up this past summer, this was the perfect book to thumb thru as I saw that I was not alone! Just 2 weeks ago, I encountered yet another Lone Ranger break up! There is a coward for all seasons!
I've fallen in love with your book! It seems that dating drama is universal. I'm 27 years old in South Africa, and I could SO relate to the stories - particularly DNRR and the one about the number of sexual partners (the actual number vs. the number we admit to). Hilarious!
Cindy, any suggestions for a new writer wanting to get in the game? I'm about to finish college in the Midwest and am seriously thinking about moving to NY City... broke and starving, I'm sure, before it's all over... but I want to try.
I think New York is always worth it. New York was the best thing about my first job -- it's always inspiring and challenging. Just have a good day job while you're working your way into writing, and read a lot, and write a lot, and write from the heart so when the right opportunities come along, you've got the goods.
I'm currently in the middle of my Seventeen Bad Dates. Well, I've actually only had Bad Date #1. But the guy quoted from his favorite author at dinner who just happened to be PAT BUCHANAN. I think that alone should qualify for 3 or 4 bad dates. Classic example of a friend thinking we would get along because we're "both single." Here's hoping I survive to date 18!
Oh my GAWD! I loved every bit of this book. I hope to see another book from you Cindy pretty soon. I love your style of writing. It's like reading a really long, funny e-mail that just makes your day.
Like everyone else I was completely mesmerized by your book. I am a twenty-two-year-old writer about to finish school and embark into a world full of even more Pigeonheads and Halloweenies. I thought that the older I got the better the guys...but so far I think I was sadly mistaken. A month ago my boyfriend of a year and a half left me and I was devastated. Your book, along with good friends and some serious self-evaluation, helped me realize that life does in fact go on...slowly at first...but it does go on. Thank you.
I greatly admire your accomplishments as a writer and producer. I was wondering about your background... Did you study film or writing in college or postgraduate study? Keep up the amazing work :)
I studied journalism at Northwestern undergrad, then took all the sitcom and screenwriting seminars I could once I got to Los Angeles.
Okay, How do you deal when you have an ex-boyfriend and it's been two months and you haven't heard from him??? I am a loser...I have been alright and then I started e-mailing him and now I'm screwed....help.
You need to re-read DNRR (Do Not Resuscitate Romance) and appoint a buddy to get you through this period. You've already been there, done that, right? Look for your next boyfriend, not the last one. (Although bear in mind that I keep in touch with almost ALL of my exes, and half of them have written to this site, so what do I know?)
A friend called me one night, laughing. She told me I HAD to read this book, "someone finally understands!!" So I bought the book. I took it on a ferry ride from CT to Long Island. I tried not to annoy the people around me with my laughing, but when I read my horrorscope, people started to leave the area. I finally read an honest horrorscope! Your book made me feel sane again. I've been trying to tell everyone that it's ok to be single at 32, we have the best stories!!! Thank you for sharing yours.
Your book is a godsend, not only because it's laugh out loud funny, but your voice is so distinctive and reminiscent of "Sex & the City"--a wonderful surrogate since the season just ended. I told a good friend of mine about it, and she went out to buy it and was was disturbed to find that it was in the self-help section of her local bookstore! I have to say that I am disturbed as well. Those bastards! Just one more way for us single gals to be categorized as helpless and insignificant. Anyway, congratulations on an outstanding book. I really admire you and your writing.
Next time someone is in the self-help section, will you please see if there's a book on how to get your book out of the self-help section? That would be self-helpful.
Being a 32-year-old single jewish woman I could completely relate to your book. Unfortunately, I started the book after I tried to recycle my ex-boyfriend by offering a heated game of scrabble. Now, isn't that pathetic. I consciously know he is a DNRR but I cannot stop. Thank you for the laughs.
I may quite possibly be the youngest person to read your book. At 18-years-old I can hardly say that I have experienced my fair share of bad dates, however one bad man is one bad man too many. After my man-me-down made his escape, I found myself reading your book and was consoled to find out that, in fact, I didn't end up with the ONLY bad man on the planet. There are more than one, and although it may not be a pleasant thought, I thank you for bringing me back to reality. I highly recommend your book to my girlfriends - now we all know what might possibly be ahead of us. Hopefully we can all have such a good perspective as yours!
There are many, many good men as well. They're just a little harder to find.
Cindy, coming from a person who has been on over 200 dates this year (took a sabbatical from work to focus on personal life), I definitely loved your book. However, the "17 bad date concept" is off by a long shot! My experience has shown it is closer to 25, or perhaps that's just specific to NE Florida (entirely possible). I have soooo many bizarre dating stories, and if I could write as remotely well or as humorously as you, I'd be writing a book about identifying early warning signs in the dating process! Thanks for a great book!
You're amazing. I sat in Barnes & Noble reading your book. (College students are poor: I'll buy it eventually I swear.) People kept giving me the weirdest looks, because I was crouched in a corner laughing hysterically to this little pink book. Thank you so much for letting me know that I'm only as neurotic as the next girl.
Before I read your book, I honestly thought I was the only person ever to be "lone rangered" - how could anyone be so pathetic that even their boyfriend can't bother to break up with them?? Thank you for making me realize I am in good company, and there is hope for me yet! I love your writing and your show - get to work on the next book!!
I heard you on KROQ this morning on my way to work (I work in an INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE, and we shelve the book in Humor, by the way) and laughed so hard I walked right in and headed to the shelf to get myself a copy. However, the book is selling so well, we're sold out and waiting for more copies to get here! I would say my only problem with the book so far is that my friend and I are trying to write something similar, and now we've got you to compete with when we finish!
There's always room for more humor about dating. Good luck with that, and please thank the lovely person who put me in Humor.
I am a recently married 20-something librarian and I am reading your book. The girls here won't need to read the book because I am constantly reading out-loud parts of your book. Even though I am married, I can really relate to your stories. I have already purchased a few books for Christmas presents! Also, the show is wonderful! Please keep up the good work and keep me laughing!!!!
I am a 23-year-old recently single female from Boston who actually found your book on one of the front displays at Borders (looks like someone was listening). Anyway, I fell in love within the first page when I realized that someone else had gone through finding their boyfriend's personal ad. The book really helped me get through the situation, so now I can look forward to better things. Thank you!
Hi. Thank you so much for writing this book. I just finished a 6-year relationship. I went through a lot with my ex-boyfriend and the relationship finally ended when he decided that his true calling in life was/is to become a shepherd in Thailand. I'm not sure if he will find sheep to herd in Thailand... but who am I to stop him from fulfilling his dreams? In any case, I've found it very hard to be single again after being in such a long-term relationship... but reading your book made me realize that there is hope, that I'm not alone, and that there is humor to be found in this crazy dating world.
What men won't do to avoid commitment! Thanks for the nice note and good luck fulfilling YOUR dreams now.
I met you in D.C. at your appearance at Olsson's books in Dupont Circle and as soon as I got home I started the book and finished it the next day. It's awesome and hits so close to home, even for a younger, very single college girl who has already had her fill of frustrating relationships, funny stories and stupid men. It is so on point. I was also wondering what you think men think about the book as well as your writing on "SATC." Are guys intimidated by the show and the type of women who you and I and all these other women seem to be? Is it all meant to show them that we are just as strong as they are and to turn the sex war so to speak on its head? Enlighten us please!!!! =)
Maybe some of the men who visit this website can enlighten us. I think the right men are not/will not be intimidated. Ayn Rand once wrote "Show me the woman a man sleeps with and I'll tell you everything about him." I think a man who is attracted to a smart, successful, funny woman is automatically sexier than a man who is not.
i wanted to say thank you for making me laugh during my recent breakup. you made me realize i'll be fine. it's so clever and true, everything you talk about. i even started to write my own essays. it helps me to get through it and move on. who knows, maybe it will work out, but whatever the outcome, you've made me smile. thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have nothing as zingy to add as the previous writers. I only want to say thanks for making me feel much less like a loser. I've had all the experiences in your book. For 8 weeks now, I have been "between boyfriends"...so much more palatable than "alone!" Now I can laugh at the whole situation.
I thought that was very zingy.
I have a friend who is a widowed mother of two small childern in her middle 30's. She has started to date again and tells me how hard it is. I was watching the news the other day when you were talking about your book. My friend loves SEX AND THE CITY. I thought what a great gift for her birthday next week, so I bought one. I think she will love it.
FROM "ZSAZSAZSU GIRL":
Cindy -- you are amazingly on target with all of the essays. Being a 25-year-old single woman, maybe I shouldn't stress so much about being "between boyfriends", but I do. I want to tell you that your book helped me out of a bad place, dealing with a broken engagement and all the pain that comes with. Thank you!!! I'm looking for someone where I feel the zsa zsa zsu.
I'm glad to hear the book (and show) spoke to you. Here's to getting the whole package, and congratulations on not settling for less than butterflies.
I'm a real fan of your writing -- but I had a terrible time locating the book in Borders. It was in the self-help/self-improvement section. That seems ridiculous - your book is rarely, if ever, about giving self-improvement advice. Calling it a self-help book marginalizes it. It should be at the very front of the store next to Candace Bushnell's book.
Frankly, I was hoping to be in the humor section or where ever David Sedaris and David Rakoff were, but apparently that's not the kind of request bookstores honor. I've taken it up with the publisher, who says it's up to the bookstore, and here's something TRULY alarming: it's in the "relationships" section in some stores, and we all know how hard it is to find relationships! Anyhow, thanks for being persistent and taking the extra time to find it. Hopefully others will do the same.
I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of three years whom I met my first month at college. I am now entering my senior year, and I've been hooking up with rebound after rebound. Your book gave me so much insight on how to be on my own and go after what I want. Thank you, your advice is even better than my girlfriends' advice who know me.
I just read "Lone Rangered" and was surprised to find that the "correct" approach to breaking up with a woman is exactly as I have always done it. Interestingly enough, after each break-up I have questioned whether or not I should have done it differently, due to the nasty reception I received. When women react terribly to honesty, it might ruin it for the next girl, because some men might decide it's easier to take the "Lone Ranger" approach. Just thought I would speak for many men out there like myself who mean no harm. P.S. I have a wonderful and loving older sister and mother. P.S.S. And yes, I do community service as well.
I just finished reading your book and I could really relate to many things you wrote about since I was single for the last two years in my thirties with no kids. (Although I did find my soulmate and got married March 1st so don't give up! And we met in a bar of all places, so phooey on the people that say that never works!)
FROM "MOTH LADY":
I was up late two nights in a row because I couldn't put the book down, laughing out loud and waking my husband -- proof that married folks should buy it too. Many of the gems about men and women and their differences carry over into married life -- it's not like men stop being strange just because we get them to say "I do." I'll tell all my married friends to read the book (perhaps also as a reminder to appreciate our decent husbands, strange as they continue to be). Congratulations! You are amazing.
FROM "BIRTHDAY GIRL":
How I spent my birthday: a glass of wine, a joint, some tissues, and your book. Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you.
What is the exact recipe for the 'detox' diet that is addressed in getting to the "Hey Baby" point?
That lemonade fast is detailed in a booklet you can get on Amazon called the Master Cleanser by Stanley Burroughs, but be forewarned that not everyone finds it manageable, and even fewer find it funny, so don't go by me.
Just finished the book!! And I'm still laughing! My longtime boyfriend Lone-Rangered me in the middle of June. My most recent date, who resembles your "Pigeonhead", has pretty much flown the coop. He has adored and pursued me for a year now... I give the man 2 dates and he just wants to be my friend. HUH!!?? Anyway, I LOVE the book and every girl on Earth needs a copy on hand, so go get it! GO! NOW!!
Men can be great listeners... unfortunately it's only when you're on the air! I really enjoyed your radio interview while you were visiting Ireland. I think the DJ (and half the men in Ireland) would be more than happy if you decided to forget New York and relocated to Old Ireland. Believe me Dublin has just as good material. Anyway enjoyed the interview -- keep up the great writing. PS Two Dublin bookshops were sold out of 'between...' that evening -- you must have done something right. (To those who don't get my screen name try an atlas of Dublin, Ireland).
That was my favorite interview I did while in the UK, and I did a bunch of them. All Irish boyfriend applicants (including the DJ) may apply by sending info to Orion Publishing in London, c/o Angela (who is Irish and between boyfriends and might have to pre-screen over a pint).
I am a 22-year-old single female living in Westchester, NY, and although people may say that I am very young and shouldn't stress about being in a relationship, I can totally relate to this book. Cindy Chupack, you are an excellent writer. In fact, you're a writing diva! Although I haven't had a lot of great dates, your book has prepared me for the hurdles I have yet to face. Your book has led me to realize that it is okay to meet a thousand Mr. Wrongs until I find Mr. Right. Thanks again. I can't wait for the next book!!!
I think you won't have to meet THAT many Mr. Wrongs because you obviously have good taste. Thanks for the nice note.
Thanks! Your book title has given me another reply for all of the people who feel the need to ask if I'm dating/engaged/married yet.
I am a BIG fan of Cindy Chupack's. She's very funny and looks at life though the eyes of all single women. I can really RELATE to her. I hope that she has a book signing in Detroit.
Okay, she's "related" to me too. She's actually the official president of the Cindy Chupack fan club, which so far has a membership of one (coincidentally the president).
Am not trying to get on the "Comments and Answers" page, but just read the essay you picked out for Excerpts and have giggled, smiled and thought -- one more time -- how much I love reading your things.
Isn't she a great mom?
I'm always pleasantly surprised at how well you capture the thoughts I think are only in my head. "Pleasantly" surprised because it makes me feel less neurotic that others have the same thoughts, but worried because I'm a guy. Should I be relating so well to your stories? Maybe I'm dating very masculine women.
Is he calling me masculine?
I was reading the excerpts from the website and laughing out loud while my students were working, and they wanted to know what was so funny. At 50 ++++++ years, I can totally identify!!!! I can't wait to buy some. What great gifts they'll make!!!! I think I'll buy one for my Mom too -- since she's been a widow and has dated several men, she too can identify at 80.